


Blind Intentions

by SammieLynnsMom



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abduction, F/M, Happily Ever After Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-10
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:31:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 27,688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SammieLynnsMom/pseuds/SammieLynnsMom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Edward & Bella's son, Nathan, goes missing it turns their lives upside down. This is the journey they take to find him, and in the process realize everything isn't what it seems.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Tanya, I already explained, we are not going on vacation that week, it's Nathan's birthday." I wanted to throw up my hands, but I knew it was hard for her to understand the pull I felt for my son. We had talked about having children a few times, but we were still waiting. Once we had children together, I was sure she'd have a better understanding.

"How about the week after?" she asked with a pout as she leaned over our bed, wearing my old college tee and red laced panties.

"Can't... Dr. Gerald goes on vacation, and the hospital will be short staffed."

I walked down the hallway to the third door before the stairs. Peeking in, I saw my son. He was my absolute pride and joy.

It'd been nearly eight years since he graced my life, and although he wasn't born into a traditional family, I wouldn't have changed a thing.

I sat on the edge of his bed, but he began to stir after I kissed his forehead.

"Daddy?" His voice was groggy with sleep.

"I love you. I have to go to work, but have a good day at school. Your mom will pick you up at the bus stop."

Bella and I met in college. I was up to my eyeballs in schoolwork and, on a whim, attended a party a friend was pushing me to attend. After too many shots to count, I woke up in Bella's dorm, in her bed, completely naked.

Neither one of us remembered how we got there, she was just as wasted as I was.

Three weeks later, we found out she was pregnant.

My family was less than thrilled. We had money, and they were convinced Bella lured me to her room to trap me somehow. I really didn't know what to think.

I grew up as the baby of the family, Emmett and Alice both ahead of me in age. I'd never wanted for anything a day in my life. I was a month shy of graduating, starting my residency, and then I knocked a girl up.

Bella and I did our best to make a relationship work, but we failed.

However, we both knew we'd be forever intertwined in the other's life. She let me attend the birth of my son, which I was very thankful for, and she did her best to include me where she could.  
The first year was hectic, to say the least, she was nursing, and Nathan had problems with bottles. I spent many hours sleeping on her couch, and I helped out as much as I could;, while still juggling my residency.

After Nathan turned a year and didn't have to depend on Bella so much for nutrition, we established a routine that worked for us. I took him every Wednesday night to Friday morning, along with every other weekend. When more or less time was needed, the other was always willing to work around it.

Bella and I may have failed at a romantic relationship, but I considered us friends. She did too. We made good co-parents.

I'd met Tanya when Nathan was four. I'd started a new position at a new hospital, and she was a volunteer in Pediatrics. Every week, Tanya would go around the ward handing out stuffed toys and reading stories.

Tanya was gorgeous, smart, my family liked her, we got along well, and we had enough in common to keep me interested in her. It took me a while to gather up the courage to ask her out, but then a date turned into more, and then into marriage.

Introducing Tanya to Bella was hard. Bella didn't hold a candle for me or anything, but Bella just wanted to be sure that I trusted Tanya with our son. It was always Nathan she worried about. It took about six months before I introduced Nathan to Tanya, but when I did, I gave Bella my word that we didn't need to fear her.

However, anytime Bella and Tanya were in the same room, it would feel off. Tanya never knew where she fit with Bella, and I think Bella was a little weary of anyone that held a place in Nathan's life. Bella got a lot more relaxed when Tanya and I married.

We got married shortly after Nathan turned five. Nathan was our ring bearer, and Bella was all smiles. She hadn't dated much, at least not that she'd told me, but I hoped one day she'd find someone.

As a step-mom, Tanya was great. She enjoyed staying home and taking care of Nathan while I worked. When we didn't have him, she continued to volunteer in the hospital.

I placed one more kiss on Tanya's lips. We'd talk about a vacation when I got home, but I really wanted to consider one where we took Nathan with us. It'd been a while since we'd had a family vacation, and I wanted one. I was also sure Bella could use the break.

I unlocked my car and headed to work.

Working in the ER was a hectic job, but I thoroughly enjoyed it. However, I hated when I walked into work and, unexpectedly, get slammed with a double shift.

Tanya would be pissed I wouldn't be home until the middle of the morning, but I'd make it up to her later. I was looking at the entire weekend off in a few days, and it was not my weekend with Nathan. I considered taking her away to a Bed & Breakfast we'd been considering trying out. It was only a few hours away, but it might be enough for her to get off my back about a grand vacation for the two of us.

On my lunch break, I texted her to book us a suite. She was thrilled. I loved making my wife happy. I also knew the added hours would be forgiven. I was still considered the "new doctor" on the block, even three years in, so more often then not I was given the extra shifts.

As dinner time neared, my phone went off. I almost didn't answer it until I saw it was Bella. She'd never call me unless it was about Nathan, so I answered.

"Edward, where is my son?" she screeched through the phone.

"What are you talking about?" I asked, because it wasn't like Bella to call me out of the blue. Out of the two of us, Bella was always the calmer parent. For her to call me, in a panic, was alarming.

"I asked where Nathan is! When I went to the bus stop to pick him up, the driver told me he wasn't there this morning. So I called the school, and they said he was absent today."

"Bella, he was at home when I left. Let me call Tanya, maybe he woke up sick or something." Panic began to take over me, and I hightailed it into my office. Tanya would have called me if she kept him home...at least she did last time, and when I talked to her earlier, she hadn't mentioned anything.

I hung up on Bella, although not on purpose, so I could quickly dial my house number.

"Hello, baby," Tanya's flirty voice filled the receiver.

"Is Nathan with you?" I asked quickly.

"No, it's not our day to have him. I dropped him at the bus stop this morning and…"

"So he's not home?" I interrupted.

"I just said…"

"And did you watch him get on the bus?" Every red flag in my brain was lighting up like a Christmas tree.

"Um, no, but Ed..."

My fingers started working before my mind could catch up.

"Hello?" Bella was in tears, and I could hear it in her voice.

"He's missing, Bella. He's missing."


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as Bella told me she'd call the police, I hung up the phone and ran to my father's office. After a very brief, and winded explanation, I tore out to the parking lot to my car. Once inside, tunnel vision took over...I needed to get home and find Nathan.

When I pulled up, Tanya bolted out of the house and asked what was wrong. She kept going on and on about trying to call me back, but I didn't even recognize the ten missed calls my cell phone claimed I'd missed.

Before I even got in the house, I could hear the sirens in the distance as Bella haphazardly parked in my driveway. Her face was red, eyes puffy, and tears streamed down her face. If you'd asked me then what she was wearing, I wouldn't have been able to tell you.

The day turned into night with no sign of Nathan. My living room was turned into, "Where's Nathan?" central. Most of my family huddled inside while Bella's father, the Chief of Police, had his men coming in like a revolving door.

I vaguely remembered the officer taking me aside to ask me questions.

"When did you last see your son, Dr. Cullen?" I knew the guy, Officer Newton. His cold shoulder immediately irritated me. I knew his questions were reasonable, but I didn't like feeling as if I was a suspect.

"This morning, I, um...I kissed him goodbye when I was leaving for work. I guess it was like 5:30," I answered.

"So your wife is the person who sees him to the bus? Is that normal?"

"Um, yeah...well, Tanya stays home while I work. After I leave, she gets him breakfast and off to the bus stop...I don't..." I put my head in my hands. I honestly didn't remember the last time I had taken him to school myself. It never occurred to me before, but, in that instant, I felt like a failure.

"Do you know what he was wearing the last time you saw him?"

"Superman pajamas...he threw a fit until I let him wear them last night." I smiled at the memory before shaking myself out of it. "I don't know what Tanya put him in for school, you'll have to ask her."

"Does he have any scars? Dental work? Anything that would be a unique identifier?"

"Yes, on the back of his neck. He fell down when he was four, landed on a rock. It needed stitches, and it left a mark." He asked me if it was in his medical records, and I nodded.

"Do you have any enemies? Any family members threaten you for a death at the hospital? Anything like that?"

"No, never," I immediately answered.

"That's all I need for now, if you can think of anything, come find me, okay?"

I choked out a thank you.

In the distance, I saw Tanya sitting with a different officer...I assumed answering the questions I couldn't. Bella sat in the living room. If I didn't know any better, I would have said she was catatonic. Her eyes were open, staring into the distance at what seemed like nothing.

When Charlie came to sit next to me, I jumped...I never saw him coming.

"We'll find him, Edward. We will." I could hear the emotion laced in his voice. We both knew the odds.

"But in what conditions? It's almost nightfall, that's what, 12 hours, almost? As time goes on..." I couldn't go on. Up until this point, I had kept a brave face on, trying to keep it together so I could feel helpful, but sitting next to Bella's father, I lost it.

I wasn't aware of how much time passed before Charlie stood up. An officer pulled him over to talk more. My ears opened, I tried to catch even a whisper of what they were saying, but it all just sounded like a jumble of words.

When I looked up, I saw my sister, Alice, hugging Bella as she stayed curled on the chair in my living room. On the opposite side was my mother and Tanya. For a brief second, I felt worse for Bella, my family had never welcomed her. Shortly after Tanya and I got married, I heard her and Mom talking in whispered hushes. My mom was expressing her joy that Tanya was her new daughter-in-law. Apparently, when Bella and I announced to our families she was pregnant with Nathan, my mom immediately thought I'd rush off to marry Bella. We were young, dumb, and both thought that would have been even stupider than our drunken one-night stand. We went on a few dates, but Bella broke it off.

"Bella, I'm so sorry." I continued to hold her as she sobbed. The positive pregnancy test was staring at us from the end table.

"I'm not...I can't do this..." she whispered through her tears.

"I promise you, we will get through this." I'm not sure I believed myself, but they were the only words I could offer her.

"I don't even know you." She looked up with her innocent brown eyes all red and puffy from an hours worth of crying.

"You will. We'll get to know each other."

In the end, we did just that. I'd never anticipated that my mother would immediately begin screaming at Bella mere seconds after the announcement. She went on and on about how Bella must have hunted me down for our money.

"Bella, I thought you were willing to give us a try?" I pleaded, we'd been on a few dates since our disastrous meeting with my family. We both got along well. She was smart, funny, and intellectually witty.

"It won't work. We'll stay friends for the baby, but I don't want to date you." Her voice was strong, but I could see the tears forming in her eyes. My gut told me she didn't really want to end things with me like this, but she stayed strong, regardless.

"What did I do?" It came out as a whisper.

"Edward, I can't be with a man who thinks I'm with him for his money. And I can't see a future with a man who's family thinks the same thing." Tears began to fall from her face as she went on to explain, "When your mother started screaming, your first instinct wasn't to defend me. So please, don't bother lying to me and saying you don't feel that way. I know that you do. And I don't blame you, but I also don't want you. I'm sorry."

She shut her door in my face. At the time, I wanted to scream and yell at her that she was wrong, that I had never thought that, but the truth was that I couldn't. My mother's voice never left me from that day forward.

We had just talked about going out at the end of the week. Bella had returned all of the money I'd spent on her up until that point. When I suggested we go to a nicer restaurant in the city, she said no...that she couldn't afford it. I offered to pay, but she continued to say no. I don't know what came over me to hurt her, but the next sentence had sealed our fate.

"My mother was right about you, wasn't she?"

I hadn't thought of those dark few weeks between us until after I heard Tanya and my mother's conversation. Part of me always wondered what would have happened had my family been supportive. Then, I reminded myself that it no longer mattered.

My father, Carlisle Cullen, was a well known surgeon in the Northwestern region of the country. When combined with the hefty inheritances left from my father's father, and his father's father, it was well known that my family were millionaires.

On the flip side, Bella was born to a flighty mother who took off with her when she was a toddler, and a man who made moderate means as the Police Chief of a small town.

That was how we ended up moving to Forks after college. Bella pleaded with me, saying she wanted to be near family. So after we both graduated from the University of Washington, we packed up, and moved. My parents didn't tell me they had planned to follow me, but they moved to the outskirts of Forks shortly after I bought my house.

My father was now the head of the local hospital, while I worked as a doctor in Pediatrics.

"Edward, you need to eat." My mother's voice broke me from my memories. She put a plate of food in front of me, but I just stared at it.

It was then that I realized most everyone had cleared out of my house. Tanya was nowhere to be seen...I assumed she was sleeping. Bella still sat in the same chair that she inhabited hours earlier. A few lingering officers hunched over notepads, computers, and phones.

My legs ached from non-use as I pushed myself off the bench I was sitting on.

"Bella?" She immediately looked up at me. We hadn't spoken to each other since the police arrived. She gave me her best frowny-smile while I took a seat at her feet and intertwined our hands.

Bella and I had always felt a connection to each other, but that's what happens when you have a child together.

"We'll find him," I whispered.

"He's alive, I feel it." Her voice was hoarse, but she pushed the words out anyways. "I'm his mother, I would know...right? I can't believe I didn't know...how could I not know? I'm his mother. What if I'm wrong again?" Her head fell as the tears started up again. Instinctively, I pushed up to the seat and wrapped my arms around her.

"We'll find him," I repeated over and over again as a mantra. I'm not sure who it was meant for more...her or me.

When I looked up a few minutes later, I noticed my mother and my wife, both wearing scowls on their faces, as they tried using the shadows of the doorway to conceal their location.

I didn't have the time to deal with them. I logically knew this must look horrible, but this was the mother of my now missing child. No one could imagine the pain we were going through but us.

"Don't wake them." I could hear the slightly muffled voice of my sister.

"Alice, Tanya can't see them like this. What will she think?" my mother scolded my sister.

"Their son is missing, Mom. Your grandson. I know you don't like her, but have some compassion." Alice's words were becoming clearer, and I hoped Bella wasn't hearing this.

Having my family in the same room as her had always been volatile, but I did not have the time or energy to handle any extra drama.

My eyes blinked open, and I realized the clock read 8:06 AM. The last time I saw a clock, it was nearly three. Bella was still curled onto my chest. If I weren't so uncomfortable from the angle we slept on that chair, I would have wondered how the two of us fit on it to begin with.

"Anything?" I asked.

Charlie came up behind my mother shaking his head "no".

"We have search parties out. A tip line has been set up, but so far nothing. Edward, if I learn anything, you know I'd come straight to you."

I nodded a thanks. I slowly got up from the chair, laying Bella down as gently as possible.

Tanya came around the corner and into the living room, her hair done with make-up on her face. I mentally reminded myself that she wasn't Nathan's mother, but even that didn't take the nauseous feeling out of my stomach.

"Good morning, sweetheart," she crooned, and I instinctively pushed her away. I was not sure why I did it, but I did.

She huffed and walked away with my mother. Once Nathan was found, I'd make it up to her, but right now she just wasn't my focus.

Bella woke up a few minutes later.

Charlie came in to inform us that the search parties were coming up empty, and despite a handful of tips, nothing posed useful yet. He kept saying "yet" like it mattered. We both knew that the more time elapsed the more likely he'd never be found.

"Edward, have you noticed anyone unusual around the house? More so then normal?" Charlie's question caught me off guard, but I answered no. He went on to explain that since my family was well known for money, it was possible that he was taken for that reason. At this point, he felt we were waiting for a ransom letter or call. I told him that I'd give any amount of money to have my son back.

I tried pushing Charlie into letting me join the search, but he kept telling me no. He explained when a ransom call came in, I needed to be here to answer it.

As night began to fall again, I noticed some of the officers started to act a little off. We still didn't have any word, and when I looked out the window, I noticed Charlie pulling up in his cruiser.

Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until I noticed Charlie head for Tanya.

"Mrs. Cullen, I'd like to take you to the station for a little while. I need you to give your statement again and answer the questions you couldn't yesterday," I heard the officer next to Charlie ask Tanya.

In three quick strides, I was at the other side of the room. I heard Bella gasp, and I knew the entire room's attention was now focused on what was happening here.

"Am I under arrest?" Tanya screeched as the officer told her no.

"Then why?" she questioned. I watched her face go from calm to hysterical in a blink of an eye. Even to me that seemed staged. Had she always been like that?

"Ma'am, you were the last known person to be with Nathan. Your words, at this point, are the most important. We just need to make sure we have it all down. You're not a suspect. This is for Nathan," he pushed, and Tanya relented.

From the doorway, I watched as they drove off with Tanya. Logically, I knew what the officer said sounded reasonable, but something didn't sit well.

"You should go with her." Bella's voice made me jump.

"No, I'm needed here in case they call. She'll be fine. They just have questions." I waved Bella off.

"Do you remember what I asked you when you first wanted me to meet her?"

I thought back to that day.

"I met someone," I spoke as Bella sat at my dining table. I was nervous for some reason, my palms were sweaty, but I was excited. I had just told Tanya that I loved her for the first time, and I knew we were ready for this step.

"Okay." Bella's face remained blank.

"I'd like to introduce Nathan to her," I pressed on.

"How long have you been seeing her?" Bella was always the calm and rational one.

"About six months. It's serious. If it weren't, I wouldn't even bother asking..."

She shushed me, "Edward, I understand. I have only one question... do you trust her with our son?"

"Without a doubt." Bella gave me her blessing to introduce them, and asked that she be able to meet her in the near future, as well. Bella assured me she didn't want it to be awkward, but she wanted to know the other woman who would eventually becoming a strong fixture in her son's life.

I more than understood.

Looking back, it didn't take me long to realize which question she was referring to, so I nodded.

"Do you still feel that way?" her voice was now a whisper.

I didn't answer; I wasn't given the chance.

"You did this, you whore! You've always wanted my son, our money! You're not going to turn him against his own wife!" my mother screamed as she stormed to the doorway where we stood.


	3. Chapter 3

Bella visibly jumped as my mom rushed to our location.

"Edward, you can't let her poison your mind! She's been nothing but a bitch since you introduced us to her. Now, she's trying to turn Tanya against you?" I raised my hand to silence her, but she kept on raving. "I'm sure you set all of this up. Let's feel bad for poor, lonely Bella. You know why you're alone? Because you're a whore! You stalked my son just so he could knock you up, I know you did!"

I looked up to see my father making his way down the stairs. His shoulders were rigid, and his eyes were wide in horror at my mother's words.

"Esme, that's enough!" my father barked, causing us all to jump. My father was known to be a gentle man, hard fast to principals and morals, but never one to raise his voice.

"Carlisle, I was just..." Before my mother could finish her thought, my father apologized to Bella and was now pulling my mother to their car. He told me he'd be by later to check on me, but for now, he was taking my mother home.

"Bella..." I turned just in time for her to put her hand up, signaling me to shut up.

"I don't wanna hear it. I'm gonna go look at Nathan's room. Let me know if anything changes." With that, Bella took off for the stairs. Her back was shaking, and it didn't take a rocket scientist to know she was crying.

I made my way back into the house and collapsed onto the sofa. I could hear officers talking but not what they were saying. I didn't know how long Tanya would be gone, or when Bella would come back downstairs. My sister took pity on me, and came to sit next to me, resting her hand on my knee.

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Alice asked.

I glared at her. I really didn't know what she was talking about, nor did I have the mental capacity to care.

"You should stick up for Bella more," she explained.

"You hated her just as much as, Mom. You've all of a sudden changed your mind?" It was not that I didn't want my family to like Bella. She was invited to many things that Nathan was, and it was always tense. I would have loved for that to go away. But here sat my sister, who was as Bella-hating as my mom, and I felt like she was being a hypocrite.

"Perhaps, but I was younger then. None of us gave Bella a chance. We've been doing things together, lately, when she doesn't have Nathan. Ya know, lunch, shopping, that sort of thing. Everything Mom said about her, well she's wrong. Bella's pretty awesome."

I nodded because I was speechless. I had no idea they were becoming friends. Not that I minded, I just didn't know. Truth is, I didn't know a lot of what was going on in Bella's life lately. We normally took a little time a day or two out of the month to catch up when we moved Nathan between houses, but I had been slammed at work lately, so Tanya was doing the exchanges.  
For the second time this week, I felt like a failure as a father.

"Enough self loathing. I see it in your face. Right now we focus on finding Nathan, and then maybe you should spend more time reconnecting with your son and his mother. Take a few days away from the hospital," Alice spoke her peace and stood up.

I watched as Alice headed for the stairs, but Bella started to descend them, instead.

"Edward, you said he wore his superman PJ's to bed, right?" she questioned, her face now clear. I nodded. "Then where are they? They aren't in his hamper, and I checked the one in his bathroom, too. And then, Tanya said he was wearing his blue jeans with the green plaid shirt and orange vest, right? The one Alice bought him as a joke, because you said you hated how hunter's dressed. It's hanging in his closet."

The uneasy feeling that had died down before had now returned.

I heard Tanya's voice before I saw her, my mother in tow.

"Thanks for answering your phone, Edward, I had to call your mother to come pick me up," her voice was laced with sarcasm.

"Where is my son, Tanya?" Bella's voice grew strong and confident.

"I don't know..." Tanya shrugged.

"Tanya, where are his Superman PJ's, and why is the outfit you said you put him in still in his closet?" Bella continued to press while Tanya's face went pale before she quickly recovered. I didn't want to believe the evidence stacking against my wife, but I saw Bella's point.

We all headed up stairs where Tanya couldn't find his pajamas, but then remembered it wasn't the green plaid and orange, it was the blue plaid and red. That outfit was missing, but Alice pipped up saying that she'd never bought him that. Tanya said she did, which I found funny since I'd never seen it, but we all let it drop when Charlie came to find us.

One of the women from the Quileute Reservations had spotted a man that looked out of place a few days back. She didn't recognize him and claimed she knew all the locals. Since it wasn't tourist season, he just didn't seem to fit, so she called to report him. She gave the police the best description she could and was currently working with a sketch artist Charlie had come in from Seattle PD.

The confusion between what he was or wasn't wearing had now been somewhat dropped, but I did have to call my dad to have him take my mother home after she started screaming at Bella again.

I noticed Alice had become Bella's biggest supporter. Tanya came to me crying profusely, going on and on about how she was sorry she got his clothes wrong, she was just so frazzled when the police showed up, and she was so worried about Nathan. I gave her a hug and told her it was okay. I understood her feeling rattled, I was too.

The day turned into night again with still with no word about Nathan. The woman who'd seen the "strange man" had finished giving her description. A composite sketch of the man was being plastered all over the area and added to the Amber Alert that had gone out after he was originally reported missing.

When I looked at the picture, I saw evil. We still didn't know if this man had anything to do with taking my son, but I couldn't help but feel biased. She described a man about six foot three, average build, probably around 190-195 lbs. He had sandy blond hair, cut short, and brown eyes. What she described for clothes sounded like hiker's clothes. He was driving an older blue Ford F-150. I had never been more thankful for old nosey women before in my life.

The next morning, Charlie showed up with three dogs in tow. Forks PD didn't have access to training K-9's. After the description the woman gave of the man looking like he was going hiking, he put in a few calls to Seattle and had a few sent down. Bella handed over his blanket for the dogs to smell, in hopes that they'd pick up his scent.

He explained to us that it was a long shot because so much time had elapsed, and he was sorry for not considering it sooner. He then asked that we both remained inside until the dogs were out of sight, he didn't want us to get our hopes up if the dogs picked up on something.

As hard as it was, both Bella and I waited inside, praying that more information would be found. Officer Newton told us the tip line had begun ringing off the hook since the fliers went up with the man's face. He said it was promising.

An hour or two went by with no word. After pleads from my sister, I went up to my bedroom for a shower and clean clothes. I was still in the same button-up and slacks I had left the hospital in four days prior. I realized it was now Friday.

I opened the door to see two suitcases on the bed with Tanya throwing things in each one.

"What are you doing?" I questioned as I rubbed my eyes. Exhaustion slowly taking over what was left of my strength.

"We leave in the morning, babe. Remember the Bed and Breakfast?" She continued to throw clothes in. I began racking my brain and then realized what she meant.

"I'm not leaving!" I was horrified by several thoughts at once. First, that Tanya seemed so heartless and callous. How could she could even fathom that I would go on a worthless vacation with her while my son was missing. I'd always felt that Tanya didn't know what it was like for me to be a parent, but that sealed that case. Secondly, I began questioning anything I had ever seen in her. I knew my mother loved her, but when this was all said and done, I wasn't sure how I viewed her. And lastly, that no one could know about this. I did not need the added drama.

"Of course we are! You need to get away. If anything changes, Charlie will call you. We need time for us, Edward." Tanya came up and put her arms around me, but I pushed her off.

"Tanya! My son is missing! That is M-I-S-S-I-N-G! I don't know if he's dead or alive, if he's hurt or scared, or hungry, and you think for one second that I'd think about going on a vacation? Are you out of your mind? I am NOT leaving."

I knew I was screaming, but when I turned around, I saw a lot of stunned faces.

My eyes immediately snapped to Bella's.

"You're going on vacation?" her voice was a little more than a whisper, but her eyes bore into me like she was looking at Satan himself. I had seen Bella upset before, hell, even angry, but nothing could describe the vile look of disgust she held for me now.

Before I could say anything, she fled.

Looking up, I watched my mother rush to Tanya. I didn't even know my mom was back at the house. Tanya was in tears, spouting things to my mom about how she was worried about me, and she just thought I needed a break.

The crowd at the door started to dissipate. My dad let me know that my brother, Emmett, and his wife, Rosalie, would be landing in town that night. They had been in Europe and relatively unreachable until this point. They called to check in, but once they found out what was going on, they told my dad they would catch a flight home as soon as possible.

When he left, I realized the only two people I was left with were my wife and my mother. Neither of which I wanted to deal with right now.

"Get out of my house," I turned my head, and ordered at them both.

"I'm your mother, Edward. Do not take that tone..."

I cut her off. "Both of you! I don't want you here. Tanya pack a bag, and stay with my mom. Get out NOW! Enjoy your vacation," I spat before heading into the bathroom and slamming the door.  
My son had been missing since Monday. In five short days, not only had my reason for living been stolen from me, but no one was who I thought they were anymore.

I stepped into the steaming shower, resolving that once I was clean and in fresh clothes I would find and apologize to Bella. Yet again!


	4. Chapter 4

As the steaming hot water burned my skin, a million thoughts came crashing down on me like fire sent to me from my own personal hell.

First and foremost in my head were thoughts of Nathan. Where was he? How was he? Was he hurt? Could I have I helped him? Would we find him? Would we find him in time?

My thoughts then drifted to the woman who I had made cry way too many times in the past eight years. Bella was an amazing mother, a great friend, and an amazing person. Even though we didn't work, it didn't mean I wasn't thankful that my son was born to her. I could have ended up drunk with anyone else, but it was her. She was compassionate, caring, and understanding. I feared all of this was just pushing a greater gap between us. We were close, but then I got married. I guess time drifted without me realizing it until now.

Then there was the matter of my wife who I didn't even recognize moments ago. Who was this woman I vowed to love forever before God, my family, my son? How she thought I could just leave was beyond me. I hadn't been functioning for days and...

I punched the tiled wall in frustration. Too much was going wrong.

I shut the water off and dried myself off with the closest towel I could find. As the steam started to evaporate off the mirror I took a good, hard look at myself. I shook my head at my reflection; I was becoming the man I didn't want to be.

When I was asked to describe my dad in three words at the dinner recognizing his promotion, I chose loyal, moral, and family man. It was technically four words, but I didn't care.

When Carlisle Cullen stood behind you and your cause, you knew it would take treason before he'd step away. Once he got his hooks in an idea, he never wavered. His principals and morals were solid, resulting in an amount of compassion I could only be in awe of. However, the most important trait in him was that he was a husband and father first. He loved being a doctor, he loved his patients, and there were many times where he gave up sleep to finish things. He never once missed a baseball game or a parent teacher conference. He was there, because we were important and we knew it.

Looking at myself, I knew Nathan couldn't look at me like that.

A month ago he barreled into the house raving about how Bella had just signed him up for baseball. He was so excited and his first game was two weeks later.

Bella had texted me that day to remind me and went on to tell me Nathan had a surprise.

I didn't show up though, because I had a mound of paperwork on my desk and Tanya had started complaining about the long hours again. So instead of cutting out an hour early to watch my son play his first baseball game, I sat in my office doing paperwork that could have waited.

I was a failure.

When I walked out of the bathroom, clad in only a towel, I was surprised to see my father sitting on the edge of my bed.

I nodded my head, so he knew he was acknowledged before I stepped into my walk-in closet and shut the door.

I found the closest thing to comfortable clothes I could, a simple t-shirt I'd had since college and some sweat pants, before walking back out.

"Not where you expecting to end up, huh?" He seemed to have read my thoughts through the bathroom door.

I sighed and took a seat next to him.

"Do you know the single thing I wished for when your mom gave birth to each of you?" The question was more rhetorical, because I really didn't know.

"Edward, I've always ever wanted you to be happy. Are you?" I felt so small under his stare, but I knew he wasn't doing it on purpose. My problem was that I didn't know how to answer that.

If you were to have asked me a week ago, I would have told you I was ecstatic. My career was heading in the right direction, I had a wife I loved more than anything, and a son I was very proud of. Now sitting here today, I didn't even know who I was anymore.

"I won't attempt to give you advice on Bella. You tried, and it didn't work. I know that. Right now none of that matters. I'm not sure what Tanya's motives were, Edward, but something is off. I don't know what it is. She could have absolutely no clue what happened to Nathan, but I don't believe it. Deep down I think you feel the same way. Right now, that is who we all need to focus on.

Rosalie and Emmett are here now and I've put Rose on detail keeping your mom and Tanya away from here. I love your mother very much, but I don't know who she is right now anymore than you are recognizing who Tanya is." My eyes snapped up to meet his.

"I'm not blind, Edward. The difference is that your mother and I will be fine. She's scared, worried, and protective of you. She always has been. You're her eternal baby. I think she's a little too worried about things and situations that don't concern her, but we love each other. That isn't going anywhere."

He chose that moment to walk out and I realized what he was saying.

Sadly, I didn't know if Tanya and I would be fine. In that moment I didn't care. Nathans birthday was in six days and I'd be damned if he wasn't going to be home by then.

I glanced at the clock and realized it was nearly midnight. Another day had gone by with no answers.

When I walked down stairs I felt like I was entering another house. Several officers were noisily talking back and forth, glancing down at papers as they did.

I saw Emmett in the background talking to someone when Bella caught my attention. The second her eyes met mine she smiled and raced up to me.

"Did they find him?" For once, maybe my prayers would be answered.

"No." Her smile faded. "But they got a tip that identified a man looking exactly like the picture at Seattle's Airport this morning."

"Why are you smiling then?"

She frowned. "Because it's something. The airport is getting images from security cameras right now for identification purposes. It's not much, but it's something."

"Bella, I just don't want us to get our hopes..." She cut me off.

"Listen, Edward; right now this is what I have," she stated forcefully. "It may be nothing, but it's something. Right now I'm living on hope. What else do we have?" And before my eyes she broke down again.

I wrapped my arms around her as she brought her head to my chest.

"I know, I'm sorry," I whispered into her hair.

The next several hours passed by excruciatingly slow. The sun began to rise as everyone awaited word.

Emmett had come over to me and apologized for not being here sooner, but I told him it wasn't his fault. We exchanged a single nod and hug, but said no more.

A little past nine Charlie walked in to announce it was the same man the woman had identified. He'd contacted the airline and we had a name; Garrett Randall. The flight he was boarding was on it's way to Alaska and he'd contacted their local authorities to pick him up for questioning.

At this point they didn't have enough to bring him back to Washington, but if he was found to be connected to Nathans disappearance that would change.

For the first time, I saw Bella smile and even laugh once or twice. She just kept telling me to have hope.

Tanya had called me a few times, but I continued to ignore her calls.

With everything going right I should have known the worst wasn't over. Charlie showed back up to the house that evening with a scowl on his face.

He asked Bella and I to take a seat on the couch.

"I don't know how to say this, and I know how formal I should stay, but I can't. About an hour ago I got a call from Seattle PD. They found a boy, matching the description of Nathan. I tried pulling some strings for a picture so I could identify him, but they won't budge. We need to get you both down there to see."

"Where is he Charlie?" He wouldn't have sat us down for this. His rough cop exterior started to falter.

"The morgue. I'm sorry. I tried so we didn't have to go, but they'll only show either of you. He came in as a Johnny Doe. They said the description matched. We can go at any time. It could not be him, but we all have to be prepared for otherwise."

The slow motion tunnel vision from the first day had returned. It took nearly fifteen minutes before Bella could form a coherent sentence. I quickly changed into some jeans and I situated Bella and I in my car.

Charlie continued to tell us that we should just drive in the back of his cruiser, but I couldn't have that. I was driving and nothing was changing my mind. We'd get there faster anyways.

The drive to Seattle was four hours in total. A four hours hell of not knowing.

My family had piled into Emmett's SUV and were following. I saw my mom in the passenger seat, but I had no idea if Tanya was with them or not. I really didn't care.

As a doctor, I'd encountered dead bodies before, but nothing prepared me for possibly identifying my own son.

When we arrived at the hospital Charlie continued on his trend of bad news. The Alaskan police had shown up at the man's house, but it didn't appear that he'd been home at all. When they checked the security footage from the tapes at their airport it appeared that he got off his flight to Alaska just to board another one back to Seattle. By the time Charlie knew it was too late to have him picked up at the airport, so for all we knew he was anywhere in Seattle.

I was worried Bella was going to buckle after the second biggest blow we'd been given in a matter of hours, but she was remaining strong. She wouldn't speak, but I held her hand as we took the elevator down.

Once inside we both opted to stand behind a glass area they had, so all that had to happen was a sheet pulled back.

The tension in the air was suffocating. My heart was beating out of my chest and if I listened closely, I could hear Bella's too. The entire room was silent, the only two people in there were Bella and I.

While everything was being situated I just kept thinking about the last time I had seen Nathan. It was a quick kiss goodbye, not nearly what it would have been if I knew it was the last time I would see him. Had I done enough? Did he know how much I loved him? How special he was to me.

I didn't realize it until I wiped my cheek, but tears were falling from my eyes as well as Bella's. With her body clutching onto me for dear life, we watched as the attendant opened the cold steel door and pulled the table out. A blue basic hospital sheet covered the boy's body and face. Staring at that sheet, not knowing if it was my last chance to tell my son I loved him or not, I just felt pain. My mind, my body, my soul was taken over by a blaze of fire that was lite from the inside out. All of the emotions I had been trying to keep a hold of just crashed on top of me, but I knew in that moment it was time to face the truth.

He looked up at us.

My eyes glanced down to Bella. Her eyes were bloodshot, her lip looked torn open by the excessive biting she has been doing, and she was visibly shaking. Her eyes bored into me a silent plea to be the strong one, because she wasn't going to make it.

No amount of medical training could have prepared me for what we saw after I had looked up and nodded that we were ready.

The face of the unknown little boy came into view Bella gasped before falling to the ground in a fit of tears and screams.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter included a brief description of a deceased child. Proceed with caution.

When I started my college career I knew part of my classes would entail working on cadaver's.

When I started working in a hospital I knew I would not be able to save everyone.

Being a doctor was my career-as a result I've seen several dead bodies.

However, there was nothing in the world that could have prepared me for the moment where a Coroner pulled back the sheet on this little boy.

His hair was matted with mud and dirt. There were slices on his face where it was obvious that he'd been attacked. Part of his left ear was torn off. What should have been white skin was bruised and darkened.

The little boy that laid on that table went through hell. I had no idea what the last bit of his life must have been like, but all I wanted to do was hug his soul.

However, that boy was not mine.

He was not my son.

He was not our son.

I looked down at Bella who couldn't hold herself together.

It was very obvious to us, they had the wrong boy, but Bella wasn't prepared for that scene. In our hurry to get here, it never occurred to me that she hadn't even seen a dead body before.

I decided that if we had to do this again, I would push for her to wait. I didn't think she'd listen, but I would try nonetheless.

We walked out of the room and I shook my head at Charlie.

Relief washed over his face.

Bella was back to basically a catatonic state. I asked questions, but she just gave me a blank stare. At this point, I would have killed to be a mind reader. I wanted to help her, but I couldn't.

We got back to where my family was waiting and I answered them with a shake of my head.

Everyone started smiling and breaths of air that were being held were released, but they didn't get it. Now we were back at square one.

The only thing we had was the name of a man who was supposedly in Seattle. Somewhere. Anywhere.

Garrett Randall.

For the life of me, I'd hate those two names for all of eternity. He could be innocent, but I didn't care.

I held Bella's hand all the way to my car and got her into the passenger seat. I told her I was going to talk with my family for a few and then we'd get back on the road to home. She nodded, but her eyes remained vacant. They were no longer filled with the lively woman I'd met almost eight years ago.

Nathan's birthday was next week and I wasn't sure if we were going to survive it or not.

Emmett clapped his hand to my back and we shared a nod. Rosalie walked up and gave me a hug.

"Edward, I'm sorry." My mother's voice rose so I could hear her, but really I wasn't in the mood for her apologies. "I'm just worried about you and Nathan. I'll try and be nicer, okay?"

Fake. That was the only way to describe the words coming out of her mouth.

I rolled my eyes and shrugged.

Tanya, who I hadn't really spoken to since that night, was standing behind my mom, staring down at her hands. I motioned for her to follow me and we walked out of earshot of my family.

"Look, I know you don't understand. You're not tied to Nathan like I am. Like Bella is. But common sense, Tanya..." I let out a push of air. I was frustrated that I even needed to have this conversation to begin with.

"I know and I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I really thought we'd find him already and I feel guilty. I mean if I had stayed, maybe..." her voice trailed off. I didn't really know how to respond to that. I knew she felt guilt, but so did I.

"Can I come back home?" she asked and I nodded.

"But lay off of Bella. She's done nothing to deserve what you and my mom are doing to her." I gave her a pointed look to ensure she knew I was serious.

"What if she wants you back?" Tanya's voice cracked and I looked up in anger. If Tanya's fear was that I was going to leave her for Bella, I was going to be pissed. I didn't have time for jealousy, my son was missing.

"She broke up with me. We're friends and the parents of Nathan. We've been together for four years and married for three of those. You're really bringing this up now?" I barked at her and she jumped back.

"Your mom..." I raised my hand to cut her off. Of course my mother would plant things in Tanya's head.

"Listen to me. There is nothing going on between Bella and I. Period. End of story."

I pulled her in for a tight hug and placed my lips to hers.

The kiss was soft and sweet, but it wasn't as comforting as I had hoped.

"Did you wanna drive back with us?" I asked and Tanya's eyes lit up as she nodded.

When I got back to my car, Bella's position hadn't changed. When she saw Tanya was going to ride back with us she immediately stood up and moved to the backseat.

Despite Tanya saying it was no big deal, Bella brushed her off and moved.

The entire way back to Forks was silent. I held Tanya's hand across the console while we listened to music. When I saw a McDonald's I ordered through the drive thru, but Bella opted out of eating.

I wanted to push her to at least get a shake or something, but I remembered what I was like after seeing my first dead body. It took me a day or two before I touched food again.

It was incredibly late by the time we arrived back at Forks.

The officers we had left before were still there. My family was behind us, but started dissipating to their own houses.

Tanya walked up to me and wrapped her arms around mine while asking about bed.

I looked up to see Bella's face turn uncomfortable before announcing she'd go to her home for the night. Since Nathan had disappeared Bella hadn't left my house.

Alice and Jasper were the last to leave, but not before hearing Bella say she was leaving.

"Bella, you shouldn't be alone. Come to our house or I can go with you to yours," Alice pushed, but Bella shook her head no.

"I'm alone." She shook her head, "No, that didn't sound right. I mean I want...yeah I want to be alone right now."

Alice's face looked perplexed, but she didn't push.

My heart broke for Bella, because after eight years I recognized that face.

She was right the first time; she was essentially alone.

She always had Nathan, and now he was gone.

"I'll be back in the morning. If anything changes, well, you know my number." Bella turned around, got in her truck, and drove away.

I told Tanya I'd meet her in our bedroom and Alice went to get Jasper to leave.

I walked to the edge of my driveway to rid it of the trash cans currently scattered around. I wasn't sure who took my trash out, but someone did.

When I looked up I saw Bella's truck parked on the side of the road. She was far, but when I squinted my eyes I could make out her hunched down form shaking.

I made a move to walk towards her, but she must have seen me because she chose that moment to drive away.

When I got back into my house I felt awful.

I asked the officers if there were any changes, but they said no. Seattle PD had put out a BOLO for Garrett, so now it was a waiting game there. The tip line was still lighting up so they were also busy following those leads as well.

After assuring me they'd knock on my door if anything changed, I reluctantly made my way up the stairs to my bedroom.

Upon opening the door I saw Tanya sitting with her back up against the headboard in a simple cotton pajama set; she was reading a book. She looked up and smiled at me.

After a quick shower and change of clothes I snuggled into bed next to my wife.

My mind quickly flew to Bella, though. Thoughts of her crying all alone in her house made my own heart cry.

Tanya started to kiss at my neck, but I pushed away.

"Edward, please..." her voice pleaded. "It'll relieve stress."

She had a point.

"You're on top," I stated and rolled to my back.

I let her have her way with me before falling asleep.

When I woke up the next morning Tanya was still passed out next to me.

A glance at the clock revealed it was almost ten.

I shot out of bed, internally chastising myself for sleeping so late. I knew I was tired, but I needed to get downstairs as soon as possible.

I threw on some close and pounded down the stairs, leaving my still naked wife sleeping.

"Are you sure?" I heard Charlie's voice speaking into the phone. "Okay, when?" And again. "We'll be ready for him."

I looked at him to see what was going on. He explained to me that Seattle PD had picked Garrett Randall up and were escorting him to Forks now.

I raged with anger that no one had gotten me, but Charlie assured me Bella flew up the stairs an hour ago to let me know.

I glanced around the room to find Bella, but it wasn't until I checked my patio that I found her.

"Why didn't you wake me?" I asked, anger still evident in my voice.

"I tried." Her face was red and she was staring at my feet, "I knocked, but no one answered. So I opened the door, but..." her voice trailed off. I then realized what she saw.

"I'm sorry." I wasn't sure why I was apologizing, but I felt like I needed to.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, you're married. I just didn't know how to get your attention. Anyways, it'll be a few hours until he gets here, and then they don't even know if it'll help."

I nodded and set off in search of something to eat.

The next few hours passed by slowly and the tension between Tanya and Bella were hitting an all time high.

Alice came back over and rallied in Bella's corner while continuing to shoot me dirty looks. I didn't get it.

I had a feeling more was going on then I knew, but I didn't have the patience to figure it out.

When Garrett arrived to Forks, Charlie let us know, but disappeared to the station to question him.

"Anything yet?" Tanya asked and I shook my head no. I kept staring at my cell phone, willing it to ring.

"So who do they have?" she asked.

"A guy named Garrett Randall. He was seen in Forks around the same time." When I looked up I saw Tanya's face blanch before her composure returned.

"Do you know him?" I questioned and she shook her head no.

"No, no one I know," she rushed out.

"Anyways, Charlie is talking to him now."

Tanya stepped away to speak with my mom. When I saw Bella's face, I watched her shooting a murderous look towards Tanya.

The wait was excruciating, but by the time Charlie got back to us, he explained that he was sure he knew something.

Garrett was very evasive, didn't have a real or logical reason for being in Forks, couldn't explain why he was flying randomly, and so forth. He told us they were waiting on his phone and bank records to be faxed in.

"They can do that?" Tanya popped into the conversation and Charlie explained they could pull anything they needed as long as he was considered a suspect.

Tanya nodded and walked off.

Darkness was continuing to encompass the sky, but I wasn't giving up hope.

There was nothing saying Nathan was dead.

If Charlie could get Garrett to talk we'd find him.

We'd bring him home.

I had dozed off on the couch when I felt Charlie poke me.

"Edward, I need to speak with you."

I was groggy as hell, but I nodded as I sat up. I glanced over to the chair and saw Bella's sleeping form.

"What time did you go to work that morning?" he asked.

"My shift started at six AM, so about five-thirty AM. Why?"

"We were looking at Garrett's phone records and well, he made a call around seven that morning. It only lasted about ten seconds."

"To who?" Charlie now had my full and undivided attention.

"This house."


	6. Chapter 6

"I don't understand. You looked at our phone records before, right?"

I saw where Charlie was going with this, but wasn't sure I was following on the same page.

"Well, we did, but a quick call like that makes it look like a wrong number. So I sat down and compared the sets. There aren't any more links, but I did notice calls coming and going out of the house to a strange Alaskan number."

"Tanya's family probably." I brushed it off. Tanya grew up in Alaska, so naturally she still knew people there. Her parents and sisters to name a few.

"I know those numbers Edward. This one was different. It's to a phone that was pre-paid, no trace, and no longer active."

I sighed.

The more he talked the more I knew he was going after Tanya.

At this point, I didn't believe it. Or I didn't want to believe it. I wasn't sure which, but I knew this would end in a blow up either way.

"So what does this mean?" I asked as I rubbed my hands over my face.

"We're taking her in again, Edward. I just wanted to give you a heads up."

"I appreciate that Charlie."

He nodded and then I heard it. Heard her.

Tanya screaming that she had nothing to do with any of this and that she wasn't going back to the station.

Bella started to stir and I prayed they got Tanya out of here so I could explain this to Bella.

"Edward, tell them! Tell them they can't keep dragging me down to the station for nothing. They're wasting your time, Nathan's time!" she continued to bellow.

By this point Bella was wide awake and sending more death glares at Tanya.

"Tanya if..." She didn't let me finish my thought.

"You don't think. Edward I loved that boy. He was your everything which made him my everything, too!"

A quick glance at Bella and her eyes widened.

"What do you mean loved? Loved as in past tense, loved as in dead, Tanya?" Bella lunged, tackling her to the floor.

If you'd had blinked you would have missed it, no one was fast enough to pull Bella way. She looked like a mad woman. Her legs on each side of Tanya's chest, both hands pounding into her face like it was the right of her life. Incoherent words filled the house from both women.

It took Charlie, another officer, and myself to pull them apart.

Tanya's face was red and bloody, while Bella's hands were filled with clumps of strawberry blonde hair.

I gasped when I saw Tanya, her face was already starting to swell from Bella's beating. Charlie was pulling Bella to the aside to explain that he should be arresting her, to which Tanya screamed out that she wanted to press charged.

"How dare you! He's my son. Don't tell me he's your everything. He IS my everything you self centered bitch!" Bella screamed out at her.

I had never seen Bella so angry before, and it actually scared me.

Her brown locks were tangled, sweat beads had formed on her forehead, and her eyes.

Damn, her eyes could kill you in a glance.

"That's enough!" Charlie spoke with authority as they continued to escort Tanya out of the house.

"Bella what were you thinking? If Tanya presses charges my hands are tied." The worry on Charlies face was evident.

"I don't care dad, she did this! I know she did," Bella all, but yelled. She was attempting to calm herself when I walked over.

"I won't let her have you arrested." I'd spent eight long years letting Bella be thrown to the wolves, I owed her this.

"Edward, you brought her into our lives. You brought her into Nathans life. And when this is all said and done, are you still going to be able to live with yourself? Throw me in jail, I don't care, but she did this. Mark my words." Bella fumed and stormed off.

Unlike the last time, Bella and I opted to go down to the station and wait there for any information.

I wasn't originally going to, but when Bella announced she was, I knew I had to.

My wife versus my baby mama.

Fuck! We belonged on Maury!

Bella's words played in my head on the entire drive down there. What if she was right? Would I be able to live with myself? Probably not.

At the station we both waited in the lobby. Just waiting for any news. A door towards the back of the station opened and I saw him. Garrett was in cuffs and screaming obscenities at the officers.

Simultaneously, Tanya exited another room.

If you were to blink, you would have missed it.

Recognition flashed in both of their eyes. One of the officer's ask Garrett if he knew Tanya.

"No, but I'd like to fuck her," he answered crudely.

Looking back, I should have made a bigger deal of the glance. In the moment, I ignored it when Garrett didn't cop to knowing her. In my mind I assumed he'd sell her out, if she had anything to do with it. Criminals didn't have a sense of loyalty, right? That's what I was banking on anyways.

"Just tell me where my son is." Bella's voice was confident, but pleading.

Garrett's eyes poured right through hers.

"I don't know, sweetheart. Cute boy, though. I'd try the big open sea if I were you. It was an awfully long fall."

I stormed through the station, but not before they got Garrett behind a closed door.

I fought to get at him, but lost.

Bella had collapsed onto the floor and Charlie told me he had confessed to it all.

I don't even remember getting back to my house.

Bella sat next to me on the couch while we heard Charlie recount his confession.

"He told us Nathan was picked at random. He said he was bored and just passing through. We asked if there was anyone else involved, but he said no. When he saw him at the bus stop he reacted and grabbed him. He had the description of his clothes right. He then said he put him in a bag and zippered it up. He drove out to the La Push cliff and..."

Charlie didn't finish because Bella went ballistic.

"He's not dead, I'm his mother, I would know. Dad, he's not dead!" she kept repeating over and over again while she paced the living room floor.

"Bella..."

"No Edward, he's not..."

"Bel-"

"NO! HE IS NOT DEAD!"

And then she fell.

And then my world fell.

We had our answer.

Days passed and our families began pushing at us to hold a memorial.

I accepted this fate, but Bella hadn't.

Everyone who asked was given the same answer, "When Bella agrees."

Bella didn't leave my living room floor for days.

She just rocked back and forth, repeating over and over that he wasn't dead.

Tanya asked if we should commit her.

I barked a 'no' and stormed off.

Bella was my friend. My son's mother. And for that, I was protective of her.

I had never believed in striking a woman before, but I thought about it.

Even though Tanya was cleared of any wrong doing I still wasn't able to look at her the same way.

She was not the woman I thought I knew.

I had even moved into the guest bedroom because the idea of sleeping next to her turned my stomach.

Tanya went crying to my mom who came storming at me.

I had never told my mother off before, but there was a first time for everything.

"You can't let that tramp get into your mind Edward, Tanya is your wife. You took a vow..."

"First off, mother Bella is not a tramp. One day you're going to have to understand we both made made a mistake. A mistake that brought us Nathan, which I will be forever grateful for. And secondly, if you love Tanya so much why don't you marry her?"

"Edward, I just want to see you happy. You and Tanya were happy before, maybe it's time you two start discussing children."

My blood turned cold at the mere mention of somehow replacing Nathan. I completely lost it.

"Get the FUCK out of my house! I do not want to see you, I do not want to hear your voice, I want you GONE NOW!"

I threw open the door and pointed.

She looked shocked, but stormed off muttering something about she hadn't raised me like this. I wasn't able to catch it all, but I also didn't care.

Tanya spent her time staying out of my way while Alice would come over to help with household chores I couldn't keep up with.

The worst day was Nathans birthday.

The Heaven's opened up above and screamed with it's fury.

We saw sleet, hail, flooding rains, and howling winds.

The power would flicker on and off, but still Bella never moved.

She just kept saying that he was alive.

I wanted so badly to believe it.

I wanted so badly to trust in whatever hope she had.

But I couldn't.

Everything pointed towards his death and nothing towards his life.

Charlie never admitted thow he got the confession so quickly, I assumed he put a gun to his head.

"He's eight years old now..." Bella whispered when I got down on the floor to sit next to her. It was officially the day after what would have been Nathan's eighth birthday.

The power had just come back on again.

"Bella. He's not..." She didn't let me finish.

She never let me finish.

"He needs our help. But no one is looking for him anymore."

My heart shattered again when she looked up into my eyes. The vacant stare I was so used to seeing these past weeks were replaced by nothing. Not even a twinkle of the woman Bella was before. When Nathan died, Bella died too.

Charlie had come over to try and convince Bella to leave my house, but she needed to find her own strength. I would give her that time. It hadn't even been a week.

The phone went off at exactly 12:58 AM, Friday morning.

It was my father.

"Edward, I need you to come in, now," my father rushed.

I was about to interrupt him and explain that I didn't care how slammed the hospital was, there was not a single patient important enough to make me come in.

"Edward it's Nathan. Nathan is here. He's alive, but barely. Edward you need to get here NOW!"

My father hung up the phone.

I dropped the phone.

My eyes flickered to Bella.

The first real emotion I had seen on her face in days; confusion.

"They found him."

I'd never seen Bella move so quickly, but I blinked and she was in front of me.

"Where is he?" Bella pushed, catching the attention of Tanya who was cleaning the kitchen.

"The hospital. He's alive, Bella. We have to go, we have to go now."

My brain kicked into hyper-drive realizing my father's word.

"He's alive, but barely."

We showed up to the hospital in sleep clothes, neither one of us cared.

The second we made it through the doors I was greeted by Nurse Weber. She always manned the reception desk at the ER on nights.

She immediately pointed down the hall and I sprinted.

"Bella wait here..." But she pushed past me.

Nothing could have prepared us for what we saw this time.

Our beautiful little boy, hair matted with dirt and mud, scrapes on his hands. He literally looked like skin and bones.

But it wasn't like last time; he had a pulse.

My father pulled us out to explain that one of the boys from the Reserve was caught out in the storm and sought shelter. He stumbled on a cabin no one even knew existed and that was where he found Nathan.

He had tried to wake him, but he couldn't. So instead of waiting, he picked Nathan up and ran him to the nearest house about three miles away.

Nathan was severely dehydrated and under-nourished. He didn't appear to have any broken bones. A CT scan and X-Rays were being ordered to make sure there were no injuries they couldn't see.

He was currently on an IV of saline to hydrate him and an IV of nutritional formula to fill his body with the proper nutrients and vitamins needed.

We would wait until he was awake before deciding the best route for a diet. He would need to gain weight, but gaining too fast could be just as harmful as losing weight.

Bella and I walked back into his room and each took one of his hands. As much as I wanted to will him awake, I knew his body needed time. We didn't know why he was in a coma state, there were many factors.

"You were right," I whispered. "I'm sorry, I should have listened."

"It doesn't matter now. We have a long road to recovery though, but we'll get there. He'll get there." Our loose hands intertwined forming a triangle with Nathan's.

I realized that was the most Bella had spoken in days, outside of her mantra, but she was right.

We had no idea what Nathan was exposed to before he was found.

I'd need to ask my dad for a referral for a child psychologist and dietitian at the very least.

I saw the door inch open and a man's head pop in.

His hair was dark with even darker skin. I immediately recognized that he was one of the boys from the reservation.

"I just wanted to see how he was?" His words came out more like a question.

"Where you?" Bella asked and he nodded.

She rushed up and hugged him.

"Thank you so much."

Bella stepped back and took both Nathan and my hands again.

"Thank you." We shared a nod.

"I was gonna head home, but do you mind if I check in on him tomorrow?"

Bella and I agreed.

"Thank you again..."

"Jacob. Jacob Black."

"Thank you, Jacob."

A few minutes later a nurse came in to wheel Nathan away for his tests.

Bella broke down so I put my arms around her.

I knew he'd be fine, but I understood Bella's anxiety.

He'd be back though.

Our son was alive.


	7. Chapter 7

Nathan was alive.

"Bella, I know we talked about this before, but I just want to make sure you haven't changed your mind." I knew in my heart I could never miss the birth of my child, but given the hell my family had recently put her through, I wouldn't have blamed her if she said no.

"No, you're his father. You can be there, but no one else."

I knew that meant waiting to call my family. I also knew they would give me hell for it, but it was a price I was willing to pay.

"Thank you." I really was thankful for Bella. My family hadn't made her pregnancy easy, but she continued to give me as much access as she could.

She nodded and started to stand from the table. We'd met at a small coffee shop we both liked.

I moved to help her, but my eyes caught her gripping the table in a painful looking manner.

"Bella?" I questioned. Then I saw her face, twisted in pain.

"Um..." she tried to breathe, but my eyes trailed down to see water at her feet.

The medical portion of my brain kicked in. Bella was in labor. Bella was in labor and we needed to get to the hospital.

Holy GOD Bela was in labor!

The entire time she was pregnant she made me swear to uphold her birth plan. She had a set way she wanted things to go and I promised I would do what I could to ensure it happened exactly how she envisioned it.

While I drove to the hospital she would grip my spare hand every few minutes.

I was speechless.

I had only seen child birth in movies before, but then the actors were always married and in love. That didn't apply to us.

When we got Bella to the room in labor and delivery, she scoffed when I offered to stand outside while she changed.

The next five hours were hard.

Bella had opted to go drug-free so she was in a lot of pain. She told me on more than one occasion that she'd wished we'd never met. I continued to keep her cup filled with ice chips, rubbed her back when she asked, and let her mangle my hands at will.

After five hours of hard and active labor came another hour of pushing, eventually bringing Nathan Andrew Cullen into the world. He was 9 lbs 3 oz and 22 inches long. He had my green eyes and Bella's face. He was perfect and he was ours.

I kissed her hair and whispered a thank you.

A few hours later once I had Bella sleeping and Nathan calmly in my arms, I called our families.

Biggest mistake of the day...

"Edward," my father called, breaking me from my thoughts.

He motioned for me to follow him.

I stared down at Bella's sleeping form. Nathan still wasn't back yet and I'd sworn to her that the second he was I'd wake her.

"How bad is it?" I asked my dad seriously. I hadn't gotten my hands on his chart yet, but I needed to know.

"Not yet. I have something more concerning to talk to you about."

"Okay," I replied, my voice sounded wary.

"When Nathan came in, well... it was his clothes that he came in. He was in his pajamas."

My eyes immediately shot up.

"You're sure? It wasn't just underwear or an undershirt?" I pushed, but secretly I knew the answer. The truth that had been staring me in the face for over a week. The truth that I didn't want to admit.

"Edward, naivety doesn't suit you, son," Carlisle deadpanned.

I nodded.

"I informed Charlie, he said he was going to look into it. We won't know exactly what happened until he wakes up, praying that he still remembers. He has a small skull fracture that should self heal. His right arm also has a small fracture, it won't need a cast, but it'll be in a sling for a while. He's severely underweight and dehydrated, but we're using IVs to resolve that. His brain is functioning, but he's in a self-induced coma-like state. We won't know the long term effects until he wakes up." He sighed. "If he wakes up."

I shot off the wall I had been using for support.

"He'll wake up. He has to wake up. Right? Dad, tell me he's going to wake up!" I collapsed onto the floor, the weight of the situation finally overtaking me.

It took my dad and my brother to get me off the floor that night.

I later found out that when they went to arrest Tanya she was gone. We assumed that when she watched Bella and I fly out of the house to the hospital that had given her enough warning to grab what she could and go. In her rush she was clumsy so they had reason to believe she had fled to Alaska. She was being looked for there.

Charlie then explained that Garrett's story had changed since Nathan was found. He told me it was better saved for another day. I thanked him for all he had done.

Nathan was wheeled into a new room in PICU. He needed more care than the average hospital patient, but not enough to warrant the ICU.

Rules of the PICU stated no overnight visitors, but being on the staff with your father in charge had its perks.

Each day felt like it got longer and longer.

Getting Bella to leave was nothing short of a miracle, but Alice would pull her away for new clothes and some food.

She kept apologizing to Nathan like it was her fault.

No one had told her yet that really, in truth, it was mine.

I hadn't quite worked up the courage yet, but I would. Making sure none of the nurses talked about it was my biggest challenge, but somehow a week passed without her knowing.

Jacob popped in a few times, talked to Bella quietly, but for the most part she seemed to ignore him. He'd ask me for reports on how he was doing and I'd be honest, but he didn't sit well with me. He was a nice enough guy, but I just didn't take an immediate liking to him. His father apparently knew Charlie, so of course, they were all over each other. Charlie was never a fan of me, but he was much better at being civil to me then my family ever was to Bella.

My mother had visited at Nathan in his room a few times, but I did my best to ignore her. She did attempt to apologize to me, but I walked away. I wasn't ready to hear anything she had to say, but I wouldn't deny her access to Nathan.

Charlie kept me updated on the search for Tanya as he got in new information.

The Alaskan Police were watching Tanya's parents house along with her sisters. All known credit cards and bank accounts were also being monitored, along with her cell phone.

The night before Nathan would end up waking up, Bella and I had both found ourselves back at my house.

She told me she was stopping by to pick up some stuff for Nathan. She had it in her head that maybe if she'd brought a few of his favorite things, like his blanket and stuffed dragon, that when he woke up he wouldn't be so scared.

"Daddy, I forgot my dragon at moms!" Nathan wailed after I picked him up one day. He was about five.

"Nathan I'm not turning around, don't you have a dragon at my house?" I asked. We were already on our way to Port Angeles to pick up a gift I had ordered for Tanya.

"No," He continued to sob.

I looked in the rear view mirror and saw a devastated little boy.

During our time shopping I had picked up the necklace I had, had made and was about to lead us back to my car when we passed a small toy shop.

I looked down at Nathan who hadn't missed the storefront either.

"Come on," I nudged him towards the door.

We left that day with a new stuffed dragon and blanket, both of which were special only to my house. The dragon and blanket he had, had before stayed special only to Bella's.

I didn't mind, since Rosalie had offered to sit with Nathan. He was never alone, ever.

After I had showered and changed, I made my way down the stairs to wait for Bella. I wasn't sure how long she'd be, but I was surprised to find her sitting on the couch.

She was crying, but I didn't know why. Had someone called, I was sure she would have gotten me.

"Bella?"

She stood up and threw three pieces of paper at me.

It took me a minute to realize what I was looking at, but my eyes widened in horror.

"Where?" I stuttered as I looked down at pictures Nathan had drew.

There were houses in each one, a stick figure with the name dad written underneath wearing a lab looking coat, a stick figure that said mom with a book in it's hands, and then on the exact opposite side a figure of Tanya. He had taken black crayons and desecrated the figure he had drew of her.

"Tucked inside his pillow. Edward where is she? I haven't seen her in days," Bella demanded and I knew I was fucked.

"I don't know," I answered, because I really didn't.

"What do you mean you don't know? You don't know where your own wife is?" Bella barked and I shook my head.

"What the hell is going on, Edward? What did she do to my son?" she demanded.

So I sat her down and explained it all. The weird red flags, the phone calls, how she was acting, the pajamas, and then the running away. By the end of it Bella was shaking and crying.

I moved over to where she sat to try and comfort her, but she immediately recoiled at my mere presence.

"Stay away from me." Bella's voice was cold. "You're a doctor Edward. A doctor! And you didn't know?" Her voice was full of accusation.

My truth was that I was a doctor. A damned good doctor to everyone else, but my son apparently. I was already questioning the hours I was keeping, but I had no clue what was really going on. I had trusted her with my life, but it turned out I was blind.

"I don't know what to say." It was the single honest explanation I could give her. I hated myself; there was no excuse for missing so much. I had officially become the man I had set out never to be.

"Well I do. I hate you, Edward Cullen! You will never go near him again. Ever! Tomorrow I'm calling my lawyer and I'm taking you back to court. We don't need your money, we don't need your things, we don't need your deranged family, and we don't need you! You all will be rid from Nathans life for good! Do you hear me? NEVER! I trusted you..." Bella stormed off, got in her truck and drove away.

I sat motionless in the same spot Bella had left me. I didn't know what to say or what to think. I would fight for my son. I would fight to stay in his life and somehow manage to make up for what I'd done.

My reality was that there wasn't a soul on earth that could possibly hate me more than I hated myself.


	8. Chapter 8

"Edward, she can't do that! Tell him, Carlisle," my mother screamed on the other side of the PICU entrance. Thankfully the doors and glass were both thick enough that no one heard her.

"Who the hell does she think she is? Barring us from seeing him! I'm his grandmother for goodness sake! Edward! Say something."

I didn't know what to say.

Bella had done exactly what she said she would. Since Nathan was considered in Bella's custody, something we had always been meaning to change but never had, she was in her legal rights to bar her. She couldn't keep me away, she knew that legally, but she marched straight into the nurses station and wiped my entire family off the "approved" visitors list.

The only people allowed in were me, Bella, Charlie, and my dad, but only by default, since he ran the hospital. I'm not even sure Bella bothered trying to remove his name; I didn't know a nurse who would follow such an order in this hospital.

"I'll see what I can do. She technically can, but..." my mother wasn't one to let people finish when she was mad.

"I'm calling our lawyer. Aren't there grandparents rights? Has Washington adopted that yet? I hope so..." she muttered as she stormed off in search of cell phone signal.

"I'm guessing your talk didn't go well?" my dad asked.

"She found some pictures Nathan drew. I'd never seen them before, but they were bad. How did I miss this?" I rested my elbows on my knees and dropped my head.

"We all miss things in life, Son."

"He's my son, Dad. How could I miss something this big?"

"I don't know, Edward. What I do know is you need to work through this with Bella. Give her time, she'll come around. Nathan is going to need you both. She's angry and probably a little scared. Put yourself in her position. Your mother doesn't help things, and I'm working on that, but our family has never been easy on her. Think about it, Edward."

I knew he was right.

"Beg your pardon?" Bella asked. She'd only had an hour nap before my family had rushed the hospital. My parents were the first to arrive with my siblings and their significant others shortly behind.

"I said we should have a DNA test done. He looks nothing like my Edward," Esme repeated in a very pretentious tone.

"Are you accusing me of..." Bella cut herself off.

She stood from the bed quickly, walked right over to my mother, and plucked Nathan out of her arms.

My mother was quick to react, but Bella ignored her as she wrapped her arms protectively around our son.

"If you're saying he's not your grandson, then you have no right to hold him."

That marked the day that I'd given up on my family ever accepting Bella.

"I'm here if you need me." My dad had finished talking, but looked at me expectantly. I'd been so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I just nodded, having no clue what I nodded to.

He walked off as I was buzzed into the PICU area.

When I walked through the doorway, Bella's eyes were transfixed on Nathan's face.

I didn't know what to say, so I walked to the opposite side of the room and sat down.

Twenty minutes of painful silence followed.

"You can't keep him from me," I blurted out without thinking.

"I know," Bella sighed. "I'm not sorry for what I said, but I won't try to keep you two separated. Your family is a different story..."

"I don't know what happened." It was the only explanation I had to give.

"Does it matter now?" she asked, and really it didn't. I couldn't go back no matter how much I might wish I could.

"Your mother must be in shock. She loved her," Bella voice laced with sarcasm.

"I'm not sure it's sunk in yet, she's too busy raving about you removing her visitor privileges." I didn't know any other way to broach the topic without immediately putting Bella on the defense.

"She'll deal with it." Bella looked down like she was debating with herself, she must have decided because she went on to add, "I couldn't take anymore insults."

"Insults?" I questioned. Ever since Nathan was found I hadn't heard my mother speak out against Bella.

She laughed. "I'm a whore. I wanted Tanya gone because I had always hated her. I want nothing more than to suck you dry. You think she'd get new material," Bella scoffed.

"I'm sorry." What words were left to be said?

"Since we're already on the topic of sharing, I've never been jealous nor have I wanted Tanya gone. I've only ever wanted you to be happy."

"I see." I really wasn't sure what to say to her anymore. If you had asked me a month ago if Bella and I were friends I would have said yes, but sitting here now I wondered if I even knew her anymore. The differences were subtle, but when put together she was an entirely different person than I had known.

Bella looked up to find me shaking my head. I had so much going on mentally I didn't even realize I was doing it.

"What are you thinking about?" she asked. I could see the concern behind her eyes and hear worry in her voice.

"Why?"

Her brows scrunched together as she took in my question and then had an "ah ha" moment when she finally understood.

"Who really knows, Edward; do you think she was jealous?"

"I don't know, maybe. She was pushing to go away together a lot lately, and when I suggested we bring Nathan she sorta freaked on me. I mean she knew going into our," I stopped. I couldn't even say the word anymore.

"True, but just because she knew it going in doesn't mean she really understood all it entailed."  
Bella had a point, but she also gave me a direct opening to a question that I'd been wondering a lot as of late.

"What about you, Bella, do you ever date?"

Shock was the first readable emotion on her face. "Um, no," she eventually answered so quietly I almost missed it.

"Why not?" I didn't know how to ask without it sounding like a judgment, but I was really curious. Bella was smart, funny, talented, and a nice person, I was sure it wasn't for lack of offers.

"Do you remember when I used to talk about my mom and her constant revolving door of men?" I had to think back, but I did remember a few conversations revolving around Renee. Bella had grown up with her mom, but moved to live with her dad when she was in high school. Her mom had a new man every six months or so until she died.

"Bella, you're nothing like her."

She shrugged, "I know that, but I never wanted to put Nathan through what I grew up having to see. I loved my mom, but I had no stability. She was too busy working or chasing the next guy; my needs were never put first. "

"You could still find someone. Not that I'm the greatest example at this moment, but do what I did." I really was shocked to be learning all of this now.

"Maybe when Nathan is in college. He's my focus now, him and my writing. I did things out of order, so it's just where my life lead me. To be honest, I always thought I'd go to school, get my degree, work for a while, get married, have kids, and stay home." She shrugged her shoulders when she was done and I was in awe at how okay she seemed to be with the point she was in her life.

"Really? I mean I understand the order, but you've never struck me as someone who would choose to stay home."

"When I was about six or seven I asked my mom to sign me up for Girl Scouts, everyone in my class was doing it so I wanted to as well. She looked me dead in my eyes and said she didn't have the time to take me. I've never wanted that for Nathan or any child I'd ever have. I would have worked if I needed to, but really I'm so lucky to be able to write at home. It provides an income, but I can still arrange my hours to work with what he needs or wants."

"I'm sure the child support helps," I added as an afterthought. Bella gasped and it made me realize what I had just said.

As if she didn't hate me enough, fuck I'm an idiot!

"I'm sorry, that didn't come out right. What I meant was that...fuck...I don't know what I meant." I was completely flustered and only waiting for Bella to start screaming at me.

"Do you know what I do with the money you send every month?" she asked quietly. I could see anger behind her eyes, but she wasn't letting any of it show in her voice. I shook my head no. I had never asked before, I assumed it went towards purchases she made for Nathan.

"Every month I deposit a check into an account with his name on it. When he hits twenty-one he receives every penny. I've never spent a cent of your money, Edward, even when we could have used it."

My mouth dropped. I had no idea Bella hadn't used anything I'd ever sent her. Last I knew, Bella was publishing her third book so I assumed that brought in enough money, but years ago when she was still in college she needed it.

"Why?" It was a simple question, but one I needed to hear the answer for.

"I meant what I said back then. I didn't need or want your money. I was young and dumb, I got pregnant, and he was my responsibility. He was lucky enough to have a father as dedicated as you, but it didn't make me want your money. It's his money; I make more than enough to cover my side of his needs."

Her answer was totally Bella. For as long as I'd known her she was proud, but not in an arrogant overly annoying way. She knew what she had and never pretended to be more or less of it. She was just her.

Nathan was only a few weeks old and I was already seeing the financial strains on Bella. She cut the internet and cable at her apartment, she was walking more to save on gas, but it wasn't until I watched her skip meals to save money that I put my foot down.

One day, Nathan was napping when I had just come over after classes to give her a break. I had heard her stomach growl. I didn't even bother asking what she wanted to eat before I took off for the kitchen to find it almost barren. She had a box of cereal, some milk, peanut butter, and bread. I searched everywhere, but that was it.

I pulled out my cell phone and ordered in Chinese.

"Bella I just ordered some food," I told her as I walked into the living room.

Her face grimaced before she went to grab her wallet.

"Hey, it's on me, don't worry about it." I tried to wave her off, but she was stubborn.

"No take it," she held out a $10 bill. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"Bella," My voice cracked as she fell apart before my eyes.

She fell to the floor and just sobbed.

"Please let me help," I pleaded.

"No, I don't want your money," she whispered.

"Bella, he's half mine let me help somehow, what can I do?" I asked.

"You don't need to do anymore than you already are."

"Let me buy groceries, I'm over here enough now..."

"No," she growled. "If you want to buy Nathan toys or clothes or diapers fine, but I don't need your money."

I sat there and thought about what she had just said. I understood, especially after what my family had said to her, but she was starving because of Nathan.

At that thought something clicked in my head from a book I had written while preparing to be a dad.

"Bella what does Nathan eat?"

"Milk," she answered sarcastically with her eyes raised. If her eyes could have spoke for her they would have said "Duh!"

"Do you think your body is still going to make the milk if you're not eating? The book said you need at least 400 extra calories on top of a normal diet. If you can't nurse anymore do you really want to consider the cost of formula?"

Her eyes widened.

"Fine," she resigned after a few minutes, "I still won't take your money. You can stock the kitchen however you see fit, but I'm cooking for both of us, never just me."

Her answer was Bella, but at least it wasn't something. I had been spending enough time over there that I knew she'd be eating enough so I accepted.

I called my dad that night to see about gaining control over more of my inheritance. He set it up so I could and I started writing Bella a check for $1,000 a month. I really had no idea what child support should have been given and it wasn't addressed when my mom decided to take Bella to court. He was still too young to consider me having him for any significant time away from her and we decided later on we'd work out a visitation schedule. If she needed more she'd ask, or at least I'd hoped she'd ask.

It had actually taken her six month before she ever cashed any of them, but she finally did, and I figured she had come to her senses about me helping.

I guess I was wrong.

"Bella do you ever go out, I mean I know you don't date, but what when Nathan isn't with you?" I asked trying like hell to understand this woman again.

"I write, I see my dad, I have a few friends I see, but no I don't go out like nightlife or anything."

"So you don't..."

"Edward, the first time I had sex I got pregnant, sorta sets a precedent I didn't want followed." She deadpanned.

"Oh."

Bella had rendered me speechless. First because I realized I did not know her at all, but second because none of it seemed to phase her.

When we moved to Forks and I started my career I wanted a wife, a family, the house, the dog and so forth. Nathan wasn't forgotten, but I wanted to find someone to build my life with. Bella didn't seem to care, the exact opposite of how my family had always painted her.

We continued to sit in silence, both staring at Nathan, willing him to wake up.

"Bella what would have happened if we had worked?" I wasn't sure why I was asking, but it had popped into my head before my filter kicked in the question was hung in the air.

"Then I doubt we'd be sitting here waiting for our son to wake up in a hospital bed after someone tried to kill him." Her voice sounded so foreign to just moments ago. She became cold, detached, and defensive. Before I could say anything else Charlie walked in offering to let us go and get something to eat while he sat with Nathan.

I asked Bella if she'd join me in the cafeteria. It wasn't much, but it was close in case Nathans status changed. She reluctantly accepted my invite.

By the time I realized it, it was too late. We were through the doors when my mother came flying into Bella's face.

"How dare you bar me from my own grandson!" Esme quietly fumed in Bella's face. Of course my mother was not one to risk a scene, she moved and spoke just quietly enough that no one in the cafeteria full of people noticed.

"If you can't learn to respect me after eight years, Esme, you have no business near my son. For all I know, with your love of her, you helped plan all of this." I didn't exactly appreciate Bella accusing my mother of any wrongdoing, but it was the first time I'd seen Bella stand up to my mom in a while. Getting in the middle didn't seem like a safe place. I also hadn't gotten all of the details from Charlie yet, what plan?

"How dare you?" My mother's eyes widened, but she continued to keep her voice quiet.

"How dare me?" Bella yelled. The attention of all snapped to her. "Are you kidding? Esme, in case you have forgotten he is my SON! Yes son, not grandson, SON! Your son and I fucked up. We got drunk, we had sex, and BAM! I got pregnant. I didn't want your money, I didn't need your money, I still don't need your money! I've been yelled at, screamed at, demeaned in every possible way for over eight years by you, and you ask how dare me? You will never, and I mean ever set foot near him again! You...you worshiped at the feet of the woman who did this! So pretty and perfect and everything I wasn't. We tried to work..." Bella took a breathe as her hand indicated she meant us. "But how do you work something out when you have a little voice in your head going, 'His mother has already turned him against you. You'll never fit in or be welcomed. You'll always be considered a gold-digging whore'? So instead of his parents having any chance, you ruined it all! I hate you, Esme Cullen. I hate everything about you. So pretentious, so arrogant. So you know what, fuck you Esme. Fuck you!"

The entire cafeteria sat slack jawed. No one flinched. My mother stood motionless.

Bella turned on her heel to storm off, but I caught her elbow.

"Edward, let go..." Bella fumed, but my grip didn't loosen up. I was as shocked by Bella's rant as anyone else, but I realized it was my time to stand up to.

"Edward, do something about her." I heard my mother's voice as she must have snapped out of her trance.

So I did. I turned on my heel as well and walked off with Bella. I didn't use my words, because Bella had rendered me speechless, but words weren't needed.

"Edward, where are you going?" my mother screeched, but we were already on the elevator.  
"Wow," Bella sighed.

Understatement of the year in my opinion, but she didn't say anything untrue. Her thoughts about us were new to me, but I filed it away to ask about later.

When we arrived to the room Charlie said his goodbyes and dipped out.

The silence between us, for the first time that day, wasn't suffocating.

Bella had said what she needed to.

And I had shown Bella I was willing to stand up for her.

Thoughts of "what ifs" were playing in my head.

Would we have worked had my family been supportive?

Would we have worked if I had pressed harder?

What if I stood up for her in the beginning?

None of that mattered though, because when I looked up I was met with my eyes. Only they weren't mine. And they were terrified.


	9. Chapter 9

"Nathan," I heard Bella whisper while blinking at him.

His eyes were zeroed in on me, but I had no idea how to approach him. He was my son, but I imagined he was probably scared, confused, and defensive. No one really knew what he had been through yet. I was hoping in time he'd be able to open up and explain it.

When they brought Nathan down, his attending doctor, Dr. Bob Garner, a man I fully trusted, had pushed for a breathing tube. I said no. His pulse ox levels were fine and he wasn't in distress. I was never more thankful for that decision then when he opened his eyes and spoke for the first time.

"Daddy?" His voice was a mere whispered croak. Not the happy and jovial sound I was used to hearing.

Tears filled my eyes. I stood up and grabbed his free hand.

"I'm here," I replied and placed a kiss on his forehead.

"Mommy?" His head slowly turned towards Bella.

"Yeah baby, I'm here," Bella answered, her voice caught in her throat from crying.

I knew I should be pressing the button to alert the nurse, but I couldn't yet. He was finally awake and even a few minutes were better than nothing.

However, the universe didn't match up with my hope when I noticed the door fly open and Bob walk in.

"He's awake?"

"Yeah, only for about a minute though. I was about..."

"Sure you were," he laughed as he pushed past me.

"Nathan, can you tell me where it hurts?" he questioned.

"My throat," he pointed. Then went on to point out his stomach, arm, and head.

"Well that's quite a list. We're going to get you all fixed up though. Do you want a sucker?"

My eyes shot up until I realized it was the equivalent of Pedialyte. I had no idea when Nathan last had any real food and it was going to be a at least a few days before we'd try anything.

Bob continued moving around and checking different things while I lost myself in my own mind.

The weight of the situation was becoming too much to bare. My son was looking at months, if not years, of recovery time for something I could have prevented. Now knowing that the monster was put in his life because of me made me feel worthless.

He was my everything. I had always known that, but in the past few weeks I was starting to see that I hadn't been treating him as such.

The first time he opened his eyes and stared at me, I was hooked. Nothing else matter, but the 9 lb bundle I was holding. I had sworn to him that I'd protect him, but I failed.

I failed as a man and as a father.

Tanya was my wife, a woman I went home to every single night, yet I never saw a hair out of place. She was always loving and nurturing, never complained. I would imagine walking into an almost "pre-made" family would be rough, but she'd known that from the beginning. Nathan would always come before her, always. That's what having kids did to you.

He was defenseless, and instead of being his defense I was nothing.

"Edward, Bella." He motioned for us to follow him as a nurse came in to stay with Nathan.

"NO!" Nathan shrieked, his voice sounded stronger than I'd heard before. "Don't leave me. Please! I told her not to leave, you can't leave me." He started to hyperventilate.

Bella was at his side in a second. She leaned down and put her mouth to his ears. I couldn't tell what she was whispering because Nathan continued to scream.

Bob looked up at me and I nodded. He then proceeded to inject a sedative into his IV.

A part of me died while I watched my son go from hysterics to coma-like again. I knew he needed to rest more, and him being hysterical risked further injury to his brain.

"What did you do?" Bella accused immediately as she stormed up to us.

"I injected a sedative. It'll help him sleep which he needs to continue to do," Bob went on to explain.

"But I was calming him down, you can't just give him something with me..." But she then cut herself off and snapped her neck at me. "You told him to?"

"Yes." It was a simple question. I was a father, but I was also a doctor. I understood the logic even though it goes against my own instincts as a parent.

"You don't get to make decisions without ME! He wouldn't be in this bed if it weren't for YOU! So don't you dare start making decisions without at least saying something to me. I may agree or I may not. But you, Edward Cullen, put your son in that bed, so don't you dare think that you..." Bella just let out a scream.

I knew she was frustrated and felt helpless, maybe the screaming helped her, but she may as well have taken a knife and cut my heart out.

As if Bella needed to remind me, yet again, that this was all my fault. I was obviously the monster I had grown up never wanting to become, but to hear her say it again hurt just as much. I knew she wouldn't legally keep Nathan from me, but I wondered if they would be better off without me in the picture.

She was right though, legally it wasn't my choice right now.

"Excuse me?" I thought for sure my mother had said she was taking Bella to court, but I knew that couldn't be right.

"I said, I called our lawyer and he is filing against that little tramp for custody," my mother repeated.

Nathan was only a few weeks old, I haven't had sleep in days, and for a second I thought I had entered the Twilight Zone.

"Why?" I was astonished. I knew my mom hated Bella, but this was extreme.

"Well it's obvious she's not a fit parent and I think she was doing drugs too, all I need is for you to give a statement as such and he'll be yours. I'll keep him during the day while you're in school and help at night so you can study."

I was speechless.

"I will do no such thing," I answered. Bella was by no means an unfit parent nor did I ever see her doing drugs.

"Edward this is your chance," I cut her off.

"You take Bella to court and I will stand for her, not against her."

And I did. My mother had filed for custody and lost. As a result full custody was granted to Bella and it was something we'd fix when we got to the point of visitation. However, since Bella still didn't want child support and we settled visitation among ourselves we never went back to court.

I mentally reminded myself, when this as all said and done, we'd be going back to court to fix the issue of custody. I'd never take Nathan away from Bella, but I wanted an equal say in things.

Bob cleared his throat, breaking me from my thoughts, but not from the glares Bella was tearing through me.

"I don't know what is going on here, but you both need to calm down. Nathan is going to need you both. If you can't get along I'll have to step in with a visitation schedule or something. Have you found a therapist yet?"

Bella and I both knew it would take months, maybe even years, for Nathan to get through this trauma so I was already making calls to people I knew looking for recommendations.

It was actually my dad who suggested I give Dr. Jim Banner a call. He specialized in Pediatric cases with a subsection of trauma and abuse. He was local, although I'd never met him before. My dad had, and so he came down a few days ago to meet with Bella and I.

We were waiting in my office for Dr. Banner to arrive. Neither one of us felt comfortable leaving the hospital so I had asked him to drive out to meet us here. His office was in Port Angeles, which was about a thirty to forty minute drive.

My nurse, Kate, called my phone to let me know he was there and she'd already sent him back.

"What if we don't like him, Edward?" Bella asked at the last minute. I assured her if we didn't like him we'd keep searching for someone else.

Both of our fears were unfounded.

Dr. Banner explained his speciality and the types of children he normally treated. He'd never had a case quite like Nathan, but only because he wasn't expecting Bella and I to get along so well.

"What do your living arrangements consist of?" he asked.

Bella explained that we each had a house with a set visitation schedule.

"Bella, Edward here told me you found pictures he had drawn that depicted Tanya in a negative light?"

She nodded.

"Is there any reason to believe she was abusive in any manner?"

Now it was my turn to hang my head. "Nothing I ever noticed or that he spoke about."

"Okay. I'm going to wager a guess here, but chances are Nathan will probably never feel comfortable in your house again, Edward. We can work on that or..." I cut him off.

"I'm selling it. I don't want it."

"Really?" Bella sounded shocked.

"Um yeah, I just... fuck I can't go back there, Bella."

She nodded.

"That does make sense, Edward, and it probably wouldn't be a bad idea to seek counseling for yourselves. The idea I'm about to say is rather unorthodox, but given your situation it is what I feel will be best for Nathan, at least for now."

Bella and I both nodded at him to go on. At that moment, I could speak for both of us when saying we'd do whatever we had to for Nathan's sake.

"You need to be together..." Before the doctor could speak Bella immediately questioned him.

"Bella, I don't mean romantically. I mean live together. Nathan needs to have you both there. When he wakes up he's going to be terrified and stability will help ease that once you transition out of the hospital. If you continue to go with the back and forth schedule you've had, it'll hinder any progress he makes. I'm not saying you need to stay in the same house indefinitely, but for now it's what I suggest is best."

"Where?" she asked.

"I don't know what your housing situation is like Bella, but I would first recommend where you live. Nathan knows it, he has security there and it's to my understand Tanya never visited there much. You could find a new place together, but then you'll encounter more adjustment and security problems than you're already be facing." Dr. Banner was completely serious in his explanation and I understood it. However, I was not going to force my opinions onto Bella; this was her call.

"I can put the guest bedroom together for you," Bella looked at me and I nodded.

"Another positive to living together is that you can equally share the work. Raising a child is hard as it is, raising a child that has been through this experience is going to be ten times harder for a while. I expect to see major regression, night terrors, extreme bouts of anxiety and so forth. If you're both there, you can balance is out so neither one of you feels left out or burnt out. I'm not saying you can push it onto one or the other, but if you need a break, take it. Nathan is going to need you both at your best."

We talked for a while longer about what to expect when he woke up, to make sure we knew to let Nathan volunteer information and not force it out, and so forth. He recommended that he come to the hospital twice a week once he woke up and was ready to talk and then once he was discharged, we'd arrange appointments at his office in Port Angeles.

We both said our goodbyes and looked at each other.

"We're really doing this?" Bella asked and I nodded.

"Your family is going to flip, Edward."

"I don't care."

"When are you telling them?" she asked.

"Later."

When I looked up again I saw Bella talking to my dad. I hadn't even seen him come in.

"Bella told me Nathan was up for a few minutes," my dad inquired and I nodded.

"Yeah, he was fine until Bob wanted to talk to us. Then he had a panic attack," I stated very clinically. All of my guilt was finally taking over and I just felt numb.

"Bella said you approved a sedative without her consent?" I nodded.

"Edward when I said work this out with her I meant it. That's not okay."

I hung my head. Again I had failed.

"Are you okay?"

"No," I answered and it was the truth. I wasn't okay and I didn't know if I would be okay as long as Nathan laid there.

"Listen I wanted to apologize for..." One look from me shut him up.

"Look, I love mom. She gave me life and I will be forever grateful, but right now I don't want to see her. Down the road, fine, but I can't right now. Bella and Nathan need me. I should have stood up for Bella long ago, but until she can put her differences aside I can't talk to her right now. Bella and I are moving in together..."

"What? When?" My father's eyes widened.

"It was a suggestion from Dr. Banner. He felt Nathan would need both of his parents together on a twenty-four hour type of basis. I'm selling my house anyways, so I am going to move into Bella's before Nathan gets discharged. Just until Nathan gets better, then I'll find something else."

"That makes sense," my father mused. "It'll be a good time for you to reconnect with them again." He glanced over at Nathan's sleeping form. Bella was using her hand to brush his hair back in a soothing manner.

"Yeah that is what I'm hoping." I smiled. I was finally feeling hopefuly for the future, it wouldn't be easy, but it had a better outcome then I saw just a few weeks ago.

I didn't have much time to expand on my thoughts before Kathy, the nurse at the desk for the PICU was calling for my attention. When I looked up she explained that my mother was asking for me to come out stating it was an emergency.

I looked up at my dad who shrugged, then offered to run interference with Bella while I slipped out.

For a second I'd considered not going, but decided if it was a real emergency she shouldn't be ignored. Worst case scenario I would just walk right back through the PICU doors.

As the doors opened I got a glimpse of her before she saw me. She had on a floral dress, with her hair lightly curled, and globs of make-up. If I didn't know any better, I'd say she walked right out of the pages of Good Housekeeping. What used to look motherly to me now just looked fake, pretentious.

"Yes?" I asked, keeping my emotions calms.

She pulled an envelope out of her purse and thrust it at me.

I glanced down to see the name "Edward" written in perfect cursive handwriting. I stares as I realized who's handwriting it was.

"Where did you get this?" I questioned immediately searching her eyes for any clue as to what was going on.

"It was left at the house." She simply answered.

I continued to stare at her looking for any sort of emotion to splay across her face, but she just continued to stare blankly at me.

"Did you read it?" I asked.

She nodded.

Fury started to run through my veins as I realized she was willingly tampering with evidence. Instead of calling Charlie or another officer she read the note, put the note in her purse, and then brought it to me. Finger prints would now be harder to find and it wasn't mailed, so obviously either she or someone close to her is local.

I immediately picked up the phone and asked Kathy to call Charlie. She assured me she would as I turned back towards my mom.

"So let me see if I understand this correctly. You receive a note, read that it's from Tanya, and instead of calling the cops so they can attempt to start tracing where it's from, you put it in your purse, and drive it me?" I seethed, while trying to maintain as much composure as I could.

"Edward read it, she said she didn't do this and I believe her." The smile on her face made me want to throw up and I began questioning why I ever listened to her.

I sat dumbfounded for a second though, while I absorbed her words.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Edward?"

"Fuck you," I barked before turning towards the doors so I could swipe my card to go back in.

I heard her gasp, but I didn't even blink.

I was done.

I didn't want to hear anymore horrible lies about Bella.

I didn't want to hear how imperfect Nathan was in her eyes.

I didn't want to hear how she thought Tanya was innocent when obviously she wasn't. Or how she was completely perfect in every way.

But most of all, I didn't want to even admit she was my mom.

I would never cut my dad, Emmett, or Alice from my life, but as far as I was concerned my mom was gone.

When I walked back in my dad looked up at me and I simply shook my head. He sighed before walking away.

I stood in the doorway and took in the sight before me.

Nathan was still asleep in his bed. Bella was curled up in a chair while holding onto his hand. She looked so peaceful in her sleep, a complete opposite to the stress she often wore on her face while awake. It has been a long time since I'd looked at Bella. Really looked at her. Had she always been so beautiful?


	10. Chapter 10

As soon as I walked back through the doors Kathy was at my side letting me know Charlie was on his way. I didn't know her well, since we worked different departments, but I appreciated her willingness to help without trying to be nosey.

My dad looked up at me, as if waiting for some sort of indication of what happened, and I just shook my head. I wasn't sure what to tell him aside from my mother had officially jumped ship, leaving any signs of sanity behind.

He saw what I was holding and while his eyes widened, he didn't say a word. He simply left, I assumed, to go hunt down my mom.

I was a doctor, not a police officer, but I was pretty sure my mom was going to get into some serious trouble for the stunt she had just pulled.

Bella was still sleeping so I opted to take a seat in the chair opposite hers. I had placed the letter on the counter, but even though it was no longer in my hands I still felt like my fingers were burning. Not only had I really done this, but something was not right with my mom. I ignored the signs with Tanya for too long, and I was not going to do that again. I owed it not only to Nathan, but Bella also, to keep my eyes opened. The letter was just another thing I had to apologize for.

Charlie came in shortly thereafter and had another officer take the letter into evidence. When he pulled me aside I knew the conversation was not going to be a pleasant one.

"Edward, you must understand the implications..." I assumed he was trying to soften the blow, like he had when they wanted to take Tanya in the second time. Only I wasn't blind this go around and I knew it needed to be done.

"Has she been picked up yet?" I asked.

"Tanya, no..." I cut him off.

"I meant my mom." I could see in Charlie's eyes that he understood what I knew.

"If she hasn't yet, she will be within the next ten minutes. I'm sorry." His apology surprised me, but I could see the subtle shift from Charlie Swan, Police Chief to Charlie Swan, the man I've known since I knocked up his daughter.

"Dad, I'd like to introduce you to Edward Cullen," Bella waved her hand at me. I put my hand out to shake his, but I could already see the suspicion in his eyes.

Bella had warned me that she'd never brought a man home from school before.

"Edward," was his only gruff response.

We took a seat in the living room.

Bella had called Charlie to warn him that we'd be coming down with an announcement.

"Dad," Bella started, but he cut her off.

"You're pregnant?" he asked. Bella simply nodded.

"How long have you two been together?" was his next question.

"It's complicated...Um..." While Bella was trying to figure out how to explain things, it was obvious to me Charlie had gotten the point.

"Bella, would excuse me and this...Edward for a bit please?" Bella tried to protest, but after I assured it would be all right she walked outside for a while.

"Sir," I started, but he put his hand up.

"What are your intentions, Edward?" His question was simple and I could see the signs of worry on his face. If I were in the same situation I'm not sure I would be handling it so well.

"Well, Bella and I have decided to see if we can make a relationship work. She's definitely someone I would have wanted to get to know even if we weren't in our given situation. As far as the baby is concerned, I'll be there for her and for the baby, regardless of whether a relationship is sustained between Bella and I. I don't have much longer in school before I'll start my residency. I'm studying to be a doctor, so I know it'll be a challenge, but I'm not walking out on them. We didn't ask for this, but it's happened and I'm here."

Charlie only nodded his head at me before standing off in search of Bella.

The car ride back to Seattle that day was a lot less stressful then the one we'd taken to get to Forks. Bella never asked what Charlie had said to me and vise-versa. We only knew that in two weeks time we'd be heading to my parents house to reveal the news to them.

I had only hoped they would take it as well.

"I'm not." I shook my head, "We need answers and if she...God, if she had anything to do with this. I just, I just...we just have to know."

Charlie nodded and left.

Bella began to stir and I was terrified that I didn't know what to say to her.

When her brown eyes blinked up at me, I wished I could freeze time. Or better yet, go back in time.

"Anything?" Her voice was raspy from sleep.

"There was a letter," I stated. If I could just get the facts out quickly, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

"What did it say?" Bella was becoming more alert by the second.

"She pleaded her innocence along with some other stuff that isn't important. She kept saying she didn't do it and was away collecting evidence to back her up. But Bella..."

"But Bella, what?"

"It was my mom who brought it to me. She said it was left on her front door so she brought it to me, I called Charlie and..."

"Wow. Um..." Bella's reaction was not what I had pictured. I assumed she'd go off on me again, but instead she remained calm, her face shifting emotions as she took it all in.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?"

"I know she's your mom, and God, I know she hates me, but do you think...I mean, do you think she um...helped?"

Silence. I wasn't sure what to say because really I didn't know. I would have liked to think she wouldn't, but could my opinion truly be trusted at this point?

"I hope no." It was a simple response, but Bella seemed to understand my internal turmoil and moved into an even more uncomfortable topic of conversation.

"What other stuff did the letter say?" I knew the contents would eventually come out, even if Charlie didn't tell her.

"She said to wait for her." My voice was barely a whisper, but Bella still gasped.

"Edward, you..." I could tell Bella was going to assume the worst so I cut her off quickly.

"She is dead to me Bella, now and forever. Even if by some miracle she didn't have anything to do with this, which I don't believe, it's over. It's been over since the second she expected me to go on vacation with her. I already have my lawyer looking into ways of divorcing her without having her actually have to sign something."

Bella nodded, but remained quiet. I wasn't sure what she was thinking so I moved closer to Nathan's bed, reaching across him to where their hands joined and added mine.

"Bella, I know my word means nothing to you at this point and I don't blame you, but I am here. I am here for Nathan and I am here for you, too. Neither one of us asked for that night to happen how it did, but I won't lie and say I regret it. I love Nathan more than life itself and I have so much to make up to him for, but I will. I know I haven't been there as I should, but I swear to you I am here now. Forever."

Silent tears fell from her eyes as she gazed up towards Nathans face.

Neither one of us knew what to say next, so we sat in silence.

That was until both of us were starved. Charlie wasn't coming back to sit with Nathan so I offered to go get something and come back. Bella agreed.

"You're moving in together?" Alice bombarded me as soon as I had cleared the doors to the PICU area.

"Um..." I didn't know what to say since that was the last thing on my mind at the moment.

"Dad told me. He made sure I'd keep it a secret; don't worry I won't tell mom. How is he? Can I see..." Alice silenced herself when she noticed Bella coming out too.

I cocked my head at her and she muttered "Kathy" I knew what she meant.

"Hey, Bella. I..." Alice again went silent. I still didn't know where they stood with each other, and I did notice Bella took Alice's name off the approved visitor sheet as well, so for me it felt awkward to be standing with them both.

"Hey," Bella looked equally as nervous, she kept biting her lip and fidgeting with her hands.

"How is Nathan?" Alice's voice tried to portray a hopeful tone, but I could still see the hurt in my sister's eyes. She knew Bella shut her out and I was not sure she knew why.

"Better. He woke up for a little while today, the doctor said he should probably wake up again tonight. I'm hoping I can talk to him longer this time." She shot me a pointed glare.

"We will," I whispered and she smiled.

Alice looked confused, but didn't ask anymore questions.

"Um do you think...well what I mean is...crap. Can I see him?" Alice took a while to find her words.

Bella looked pained for a minute and I thought she was going to say no. I could see tears brimming on the edges of my sister's eyes and it was another crushing blow.

Right now, I'd wished more than anything that I had fought my family more from the beginning. If I had, maybe by this point everything could at least be amicable. Possibly even friendly.

"Look Alice, I didn't pull your name to be mean, I just don't want to come between your family anymore. I didn't want you to have to choose a side." Bella's explanation didn't make sense to me, but I'm sure it did to her.

"I understand, but maybe let me make that decision."

Tears began to fall from her face as she turned away and ran off.

I sighed.

I didn't want to offend Bella, but I also hated seeing my sister hurt.

I was standing in the middle of a tight rope, and no matter which step I took I knew I'd fall.

"I'm sorry," Bella whispered and I knew she meant it.

"I'll...um...go find her," I turned to answer her, but noticed she was on the PICU phone.

"Yes this is Bella Swan. Can you put Alice Cullen back on Nathan's list. Okay. Okay yes, I'm just going to get food, if he wakes up call me asap. Okay, thank you."

I smiled.

She walked up to me and told me I could tell Alice to visit Nathan whenever.

She turned away to walk towards the elevators when I caught her arm.

"Can I come with?" I asked hopefully. We had a lot to discuss with the upcoming changes to both of our lives and maybe talking sooner rather than later would be better. If we had the best plan in place now, it would be easier to explain to Nathan later. I knew our biggest challenge was to continue to stay on the same page. If we did that we'd be fine.

"Um sure," Bella answered.

We walked together to the cafeteria, both grabbing what we could and took a seat.

"When he's out of here I'm never going to want to see another hospital room again," I joked.

"You're a doctor?" Bella deadpanned.

"I know, but it's different when..." But I couldn't finish my thought out loud. What was I to say, "It's different when you put your son in one."

"I get it. I mean, I don't really understand, but I get it."

"So, about moving..." I let the thought hang in the air.

"Yeah. I figured you could take the guest room right next to Nathan's. My room is at the end of the hall so he'd be in the middle. I work from home so that's not an issue and I imagine you'll have to get back to work soon." Bella spoke like it was no big deal which shocked me.

The hospital was being nice about letting me take off as much time as I needed right now. At some point though, I needed to go back, which meant a lot of changes for her because she would essentially see no break compared to what she did before.

"Yeah. I'm not sure when that'll be, but I'll start back slow before working back up to full time. I want to be there to help not just Nathan, but you too. I know you're used to having a few days to yourself, but now you won't really."

"I won't mind," Bella answered softly. So softly I had almost missed it.

I cocked my head to the side and stared at her.

"Really. I mean our schedule was fine, he needed time with you, but it wasn't easy. I hated dropping him off. I always felt like a piece of me was gone, ya know?"

I sat back in my chair and absorbed what she'd said. I really didn't expect that answer, but then again I worked so much that when he wasn't with me I felt like I wouldn't have been there anyways.

"Well now we won't have to worry about that, at least for now."

"Do you know how long you'll want to stay with us?"

"I'm not sure. However long it works I guess. Or until you kick me out," I joked. She let a small smile slip.

"Hey I'm gonna go grab another drink to bring up, do you want anything?" I asked and she hook her head no. Even if she did, it would involved money, which she wouldn't accept.

I couldn't help but feel like an idiot for even remotely thinking she could, in some way, have entrapped me with Nathan. To be quite honest, the more I learned about her the more I realized even if that was her intention, I'm not sure I would have cared.

When I first met Tanya I was head over heels, but looking back now I didn't understand why. She wasn't smart, granted she wasn't dumb either, but rarely did we have intellectual conversations. Tanya did volunteer at the hospital, but she never came across as charitable, while Bella was nice and generous to all. When I started to compare them side by side I wanted to go back nine years and tell my mom to fuck off right then and there. Sadly though, I couldn't, and would now spend an eternity questioning the what ifs of my life.

I walked up to the line grabbing a few small snacks and drinks to go. I knew Bella wasn't going to leave Nathan's side again until he woke up so I bought stuff for her anyways. I glanced at my watch and realized how late it was, chances were he would be soon.

A few of my colleagues stopped and asked how Nathan was, but I brushed them off. I wanted to get back to Bella and back to our son.

When I turned around Bella was crying. Her face was red with anger and I could see her mouth moving. She looked like she was yelling, but I couldn't hear what she was saying.

I could see a woman standing in front of her. She had shoulder length brown hair, but her clothes didn't fit this area of the country at all. Overly gaudy heals with a silk-looking dress that resembled lingerie. I knew one thing for sure, I didn't know who she was, and she was after Bella.

I rushed up to Bella and wrapped my arms are her waist. I slightly angled myself in front of her as I came face to face with a pair of searing blue eyes. They had both stopped talking so I still didn't know what had happened, but I knew I needed to get Bella out of her as fast as I could.

"Can I help you?" I barked. I wasn't sure if this woman was here because of Nathan or maybe someone Bella just didn't get along with, but I didn't have the patience to find out.

"You must be Edward Cullen," she sneered up at me. I was shocked; I had never seen her a day in my life, yet she said my name with such venom.

"I am."

The next thing I knew she slapped me. I stood there stunned for a second before she launched into a verbal attack. "This is all YOUR fault, you and your stupid wife. If I ever see that bitch again I will rip her to pieces for the mess she's put us through. And you, you say you're a mother." She pointed at Bella. "You have no compassion, do you? Has this whole town lost it's mind? Garrett never did anything to deserve this!"

When she finally shut up I asked her who she was.

"I'm Kate Winston, Garrett's wife."

"Get away from my daughter!" I heard Charlie's voice bark from behind me.

All three of our faces snapped to him as he began asking Kate why she was there. She explained that she only wanted to plead her case to Bella, but when Bella shot her down she blew up.

I choose not to press charges against Kate for slapping me, I still had no idea what was going on and was hoping Bella would clue me in as soon as we got to Nathan's room,

For the second day in a row we'd left the cafeteria after a verbal altercation. It wasn't until the doors opened that I realized I still had my arm protectively around Bella. She hadn't pushed me away so I assumed she was still scared.

Kathy greeted us with a smile and said he had just started to stir a little. He hadn't opened his eyes, but she thought it would be soon. She was leaving for the day and told us to have a good night.

Bella immediately walked over to Nathan and sat next to him. Her face was slowly softening up to as she looked when I first left the table.

As if Nathan could feel her presence, he chose that second to open his eyes.

"Hey baby," Bella choked out.

"Do you want some water?" she asked and he nodded.

After a few gulps from a straw he pulled Bella close to him.

His voice was no more than a whisper and even I strained to hear it, but what he said would live with me forever.

"I told her not to leave me. She told me it was Pajama Day at school so I could wear my Superman. Then I saw him staring at me. I told her not to leave until my friends showed up, but she did anyways. She wasn't even gone before he tackled me."

He leaned back onto his pillow and for a second he wasn't my now eight year old son. He was an entirely different person, more serious, too serious even.

I knew the next chance I got I needed to call Dr. Banner.


	11. Chapter 11

Listening to Nathan recount the few words he had was enough to make me want to find the nearest cliff and jump.

How had I missed this? Was I so in love with this woman that I let her potentially abuse and hurt my son without an inkling of it was going on?

How was Bella ever going to be able to trust me with him again?

How could Nathan ever look at me the same way?

How was I ever going to be able to forgive myself?

After Nathan whispered to Bella a small snippet of the day he was kidnapped, he simply rested his head back on a pillow, took a deep breath, and didn't say another word.

I excused myself from the room, partly so Nathan would not see the tears pouring down my face, but also because I knew Dr. Banner needed to know he was awake again.

"Hello." Dr. Banner answered his personal cell. He had given us the phone number after our meeting. He explained that he normally didn't give the number out, but since I was Carlisle's son and a fellow doctor he had made an exception.

"Hi, Dr. Banner. This is Edward, Edward Cullen calling. I wanted to let you know Nathan is awake again and talking."

"What has he said?" His voice immediately switched over to a more doctor-like tone.

"He uh, talked a bit about how it happened, but nothing else. I'm not sure what to do, he's my son, and I am completely out of my league here." I was frustrated. Not just because I had allowed this to happen, but because I was a doctor. I had gone through life knowing how to handle everything that had been thrown at me, but here and now, I was lost.

"Edward, we talked about this. Let him talk at his own pace. Don't ask questions and don't push. If you want I can come down there tonight, or if you'd prefer, first thing in the morning."

I sighed. I knew we couldn't push Nathan. I also knew Dr. Banner was a father and I could hear the squeals and giggles of children in the background. He was home and I would not pull him away from his family. Not over me panicking.

"Tomorrow would probably be best. I'll let Bella and the staff know in case I'm not here when you arrive."

After a few pleasantries we hung up. Sitting in the hallway outside the double doors, I let my elbows drop to my knees while my hands held my head.

How many times had I dropped everything I was doing at home to rush back into the hospital for a non-emergency?

When Nathan was six he became obsessed with Spiderman. He wanted the clothes, the toys, the birthday party, his bedroom, and the movies. Everything always had to be Spiderman.

Tanya and I had only been married for about a year and we had hit a bit of a rough patch. We weren't really fighting, but there were a lot of internal shifts within the hospital with budget cuts, which meant longer hours for me since I was on a salary. When my dad asked me to pick up a few extra shifts, just temporarily, I complied because I knew it was needed. She was having a hard time adjusting to that, because when I wasn't at work I was with Nathan.

One night she called me as I was leaving the hospital and let me have it. It was the worst argument we had gotten into. It was the same night I had arranged with Bella to take Nathan on an "off" night since my normal days were filled with work that week.

When I called Bella to cancel, citing work problems, she explained that Nathan would be extremely disappointed. She had let him know he was coming to my house and having a Spiderman night. I apologized again and rushed off the phone with her.

The truth was the emergency was at home. I ignored my son for the woman who would end up hurting him worse than anyone could imagine.

When I looked up I saw my father walking down the hall towards me. His face appeared grim and I wasn't sure what was going on.

Wordlessly he took a seat next me and sighed.

When I asked what was wrong he sighed again and shook his head.

"Your mom is in jail," he stated eventually. My head snapped up to look at him. I knew they were picking her up and that she would be facing possible charges, but hearing she was in jail still startled me.

"How bad are the charges?" I asked in wonder. I assumed our family attorney was already called, but I really wanted to stay as far away as I could from both her and the case.

"Edward, did you know I had security cameras installed at the house last year?" My dad's question through me off because he ignored my question with a question.

"No." There were a string of vandalised houses last year. The local police chopped it up to teenagers, but it would make sense that my dad would be proactive.

"Neither did she."

I furrowed my eyebrows together trying to figure out his cryptic message. I gasped when it came to me. He would have seen Tanya leave the note, was my mom helping her?

"Dad?"

"Tanya didn't write it."

"Wait! What?"

"You mom did. I just got back from bringing Charlie the tape."

"Why would she do that?" The police had focused the search more locally since the note showed up assuming Tanya was close. To find out my mom not only wrote it, but planted it and lied about it was unforgivable.

"So you wouldn't loose faith in Tanya is my best guess." He shrugged. "Edward, I didn't say this before because I didn't feel it was my place. Are you still holding out hope for her innocence?"

"No! No, we're over. Even if she is innocent, we're over."

"Edward, I know about..." He looked deep in thought. "Let's just say Tanya wasn't the quietest..." He trailed off and my eyes widened.

I loosely remembered the night we got back from Seattle. I remembered agreeing to have sex with Tanya, but I honestly didn't remember the details. I was so numb after checking the morgue for my own son that I just wanted to feel something, anything, but I didn't. I passed out and didn't remember much when I woke up.

"Makes my top five list of the dumbest things I've ever done."

"What is your first?" he asked.

"Letting Bella get away."

"I was wondering if you had changed your mind towards her. I'll admit I was an idiot for letting your mom talk so much, but she has her own demons. It's why I never said anything."

"What demons?"

"Not my story to tell."

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you still think you and mom are going to be okay?"

He looked away and I knew the answer.

"I've already called the lawyer to start drawing up papers."

"This is all my fault," I sighed.

"No. No it's not, this was a long time coming. We haven't been happy for a while, Edward. She just decided to do something that I will never forgive."

I nodded. I had a feeling they weren't happy, but it didn't stop the guilt from rooting inside me.

"I'm here if you need me, but let me me give you some advice. Bella is wiser, stronger, and above all, more honest then any of us gave her credit for in the beginning. Even if you both never move past this, you're a better person for getting to know her."

I nodded. He walked away while I slipped deeper into my thoughts.

I knew my dad was right. Bella was amazing and beautiful and wise and honest and caring and everything I had always said I wanted. Looking back at my twenty-one year old self, I wanted to slap me. How could I be so blind? So naive? I ruined what could have been the best relationship of my life because I couldn't stand up on my own two feet.

Bella came out looking for me. I had no clue I'd been sitting outside the doors for nearly two hours.

"Nathan wanted to tell you goodnight, but he couldn't stay up any longer. I tried having you paged," Bella explained.

"I called Dr. Banner and then my dad and...I'm sorry" I had so much to be sorry for, so many apologizes I needed to give, but didn't know how.

"I'm sure he'll be awake again soon. You can tell him that yourself." Bella went to turn around, but I caught her elbow.

"I said I was sorry," I sighed. It was lame, I knew, but I had said it despite the fact.

"Listen, Edward, I don't know what is going on in that head of yours and I know you feel guilty. You're not the only one who does, but instead of spending what precious time we have with him while he's awake and interactive, I find you sitting here sulking. It's unacceptable. He is your son; stand up and be the father I once knew you to be or leave. I'm not sure how much more of your mood swings I can take and I refuse to let Nathan become a pawn again," Bella seethed.

To say I was shocked put it mildly.

"I uh..." I didn't know what to say so I stopped talking.

"Now you're speechless? Edward, he needs you. I need you because he needs you. It's time for you to man up. I'm sick and tired of trying to explain away your absences. I know work keeps you busy and you have a whole other life, but the second you brought Tanya into his life he became second best."

I went to interrupted her, but she put her hand up, effectively silencing me.

"Let me finish. At first I explained it away because you were newlyweds and I knew you needed your time. But do you realize how many times you left Nathan disappointed and feeling abandoned? Do you know how many times he came to my bed crying, asking what he did to make you not want to spend time with him anymore? Or if he did something better, would you make the time to come see him? Do you realize how many times I tried getting you to be involved or talking to you about it just to be pushed aside? I stood for it then, but I will not stand for it now! That little boy loves you to death, he idolizes you as if you were the reason the sun rises, and you can't even make time for him now! Enough, Edward, I'm over this."

She threw her hands up and turned away from me again.

"My dad left my mom," I blurted out.

Bella stopped in her tracks and slowly turned around to face me.

"I'm sorry." Her tone sounded honest, but I could see the intrigue in her eyes.

"You should sit down." I motioned towards the chair next to me, but Bella shook her head no.

I proceeded to give her the story my dad gave me about the letter, the security camera, the arrest, and so forth. Bella sat patiently and listened to every word I said without trying to interrupt so once I was done I braced myself for her reaction. I silently prayed this wouldn't result in her keeping me out of Nathan's life or going back on our new found living arrangement.

"Edward," she started. "Until Nathan is of age and can make this decision for himself, she will not be allowed to see him." Bella's tone was calm, but forceful and I knew this wasn't a debate.

"I understand," I stated so she knew I got what she meant.

"I don't need to hear that, I need to know if you are going to stand with me or against me." She looked up at me and I could see the tears brimming on the edges of her eyes.

"I am with you." I took her hand and lightly squeezed.

I then told Bella I was going to run downstairs to my office to change and grab a quick shower, but I'd be back up soon.

When I got back Nathan was awake, smiling and laughing with Bella. He was still too small, but at least there was a resemblance to the boy I once knew.

"Daddy!" he cheered and I smiled.

"Yeah I'm here," I answered. I walked over to his bed and took a seat.

"Where did you go last night?" he wondered and I looked up to see Bella forcing back tears.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have walked out. I went to make a phone call, but it's no excuse. I promise not to do it again." I lowered my lips to his forehead.

"Okay." His eyes didn't lie, though; he didn't believe me.

Nathan began talking to Bella again and I slowly began to feel like an outsider. He was talking about events at school, baseball, and his friends. I realized I didn't know any of it, so I sat and listened. I laughed at the appropriate times, but otherwise I just soaked in as much information as I could.

I found out he was suppose to be one of the munchkins in the school's production of The Wizard of Oz. He was excited because he actually had two lines, but when he asked Bella if it was too late she promised to call the school and find out.

He asked if he could still play baseball. Bella said he could as soon as he was well enough to leave the hospital.

When Bella asked him if he was excited to see his friends at school his face changed.

Similar to the night before, it was as if the light left his eyes and he was transplanted back to where he was when he was found.

"I made a new friend, his name is Jimmy." The eerie quiet of his voice spooked even me. "At the cabin he would tell me stories so I'd stay awake. Papa Charlie always told me if I got lost, find shelter, and stay put. Someone would always find me. Jimmy made sure I was found." The last bit came out in a whisper.

It was pretty obvious that Jimmy was some sort of imaginary friend that Nathan had made up during his ordeal. I made a mental reminder to mention this to Dr. Banner. A quick look at the clock revealed he'd be at the hospital within the hour.

In the time it took me to check the clock, Nathan had returned to his "normal" self again. I was concerned about long-term psychiatric effects this could have on him, but of course nothing would be official for a long while now.

"Did I miss my birthday?" Nathan asked and I jumped in finally knowing the answer to something!

"I'm afraid you did," I replied and he sighed.

I hated seeing him so upset so I quickly told him that as soon as he was out of the hospital we would throw a party with all of his friends.

"Is that okay, Mom?" he asked and Bella nodded. I sorta jumped that gun, but I didn't think Bella would mind. Even if we didn't use her house, I could rent out the bowling alley or something.

"Are you going to come, Dad?" Six words. That was all it took, six small words and my heart shattered.

I choked back a cry and nodded. Traitor tears were already leaving my eyes when I kissed his forehead and whispered, "I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Do you promise?" he asked again, and behind his eyes I saw all of the hurt and mistrust I had put there.

I had never felt more like a failure in my life, but at the same time it sparked something within my heart. I knew after that day I would never be the same dad again. I knew that I would do whatever I needed to in order to become the dad I wanted to be.

"Yes, I promise. Nothing will keep me from celebrating your birthday. Do you know what kind of party you want?" I figured it would be a good idea to hear what he'd like so we could start planning.

"Well, Corey Newton thought he was so cool because he had laser tag at his party and Millie Crowley kept bragging about pony rides." He rolled his eyes and I chuckled. "Do you think we could go bowling? They have laser tag there and it's really fun when they turn the lights off with everything glowing. That's cool, right Mom?" He turned towards her and it was just another reminder of where I stood in his life.

She laughed, "You'll be the coolest boy in school."

There was a knock and I saw Dr. Banner waiting to come in.

Nathan went back to his version of quiet as he eyed Dr. Banner.

"Nathan, this is Dr. Banner. He's here to talk to you," Bella explained and I smiled. I had hoped our presence would make this easier on him.

"Hi," Nathan squeaked out. His voice was off, not the normal eight year old child he was a mere thirty seconds ago.

"Hello Nathan. Do you mind if I sit down?" Dr. Banner pointed to the chair at the side of his bed.

He had come in casual clothes that he had told us would make Nathan feel less like he was talking to a doctor and more like he was making a new friend. I had heard of this approach before and it was commonly practiced in Pediatrics.

Nathan nodded.

"I brought you something," Dr. Banner reached into his bag and pulled out a Superman action figure.

Nathan's face immediately broke out into a smile as he took it, but the white knuckling of the sheets moments prior did not go unnoticed.

"Nathan," Bella's voice was rang out.

"Oh sorry, thank you." Nathan stopped long enough to rush out before he went back to tearing the box open to get to his new toy.

We all sat around for about fifteen minutes before anymore words were spoken.

Nathan eventually looked up and noticed everyone staring at him.

He was a smart child, he knew why Dr. Banner was there.

"Do I have to talk about it?" he questioned.

"Only if you want to. Otherwise we can talk about school, friends, what you like to do for fun. I heard you played baseball."

"Can I still keep the toy if I don't talk about it?" Nathan asked and I held back a laugh. It was moments like this today that reminded me of the boy he was a few short weeks ago.

"Of course, although there is something special about his particular toy."

Nathan's eyes flew up as Dr. Banner explained that the action figure represented him. He went on to explain that when he was ready he would like him to point out where he got hurt during his time away.

Nathan just nodded absentmindedly while he continued to play.

Silence took over again before Nathan looked up.

He then pointed to the toy and said, "That hurt the most."


End file.
